Land of the Free?

Editing at Conservapedia is a veritable minefield. Nevermind the restricted editing hours (08h00-00h00 EST, or whenever they feel like opening it), any administrator who might just happen to disagree with something you’ve posted will block you. This is usually for a period between 5 years and infinity (just to make sure you don’t come back from the dead – or after the rapture in their case – and try and insert facts again). It’s not just administrators either – it includes those mere peons upon whom Andy has bestowed blocking rights – these being far more important than editing or uploading rights.

There’s no review board, no hearing and no appeal. Just boom- you’re outta here.  The administrators do have a wonderful sense of irony, however. They sometimes tell banned users they can e-mail Andy to appeal… except Andy’s e-mail is disabled and the blockee has their on-wiki e-mail rights revoked. Gosh, I bet that gets some chuckles down at the Arlen Specter effigy burning night.

One of the first things you see on CP’s main page is a link to the Conservapedia Commandments (it’s not that imposing – just a guide on what to and not to write). Yes! Andy is the Moses of the wiki world. These, of course, only apply to peons – the administrators flout them on average every 30 seconds. (For extra laughs, scroll down a bit further to see a lovely composite Darwin/Hitler picture, courtesy of Conservative. Yes folks, it’s a family friendly site – especially geared for teens. Just keep them away from the “Gay Bowel Syndrome” article (another of Conservative’s – see what we mean by obsessed?)

The real beauty, however, lies in their reasons for blocking you. Oh yes, if you’re banned from editing there until the entropy death of the universe, they want you to know exactly why. Which has resulted in a thoroughly bizarre list, which handily encapsulates all their bigotry and paranoia in one easy-to-find place. The list is too long to look at in detail, but here’s some highlights:

  • First up is vandalism. Fair enough, it’s a problem at any public wiki (although Andy did famously report somebody to the FBI, after which we had a cover-up Hoover would have been proud of). Problem here is CP has “Vandalism”, “Moronic Vandalism” and “Liberal Vandalism!” Only true morons Conservatives know the difference.
  • Then we get that wacky sense of irony again, because the very next item is “Liberal Name Calling”. Which should mean that if I block somebody for “Moronic Vandalism,” I should then block myself for”Liberal Name Calling”… unless you’re an administrator, of course.
  • Next we have a classic of our time, the “90/10 Rule”. This is designed to cut down on chatter (in other words to stop people asking, “Is this a joke?” In theory, it means that you must make one main-space edit for every 9 talk-space edits. In practice, it’s more like “Uh-oh, you’re about to win an argument! 90/10! Boom!”
  • Next, we get “Trolling/Liberal Trolling” I can only assume liberal trolls wear flares, which must make it hell to chase after the Billy Goats Gruff (a story, which incidentally, is far more factual than the next entry.
  • After you’ve read CP’s entry for Pres. Obama, or rather Barack Hussain Obama (because they have to remind you he’s a secret Muslim) the next item might make sense – “Inappropriate edit to Obama entry.” Sadly, it doesn’t apply to the garbage they’ve written, but rather to people who dare write, “He’s not a Muslim!” or “He wasn’t born in Kenya!”, because in the world according to Andy, the US now has a Muslim Kenyan president. And this man is teaching children?
  • Up next is the guarantee of the infallibility of CP admins – “Mind Your Own Business.” God help that an admin should make a mistake and you point it out to them. “MYOB! Boom!”
  • The next item is proof that Terry Koeckritz is either a troll par excellence (and Andy a clueless idiot) or a racist, paranoid f*ckhead – “Liberal multiculturalism / world view.” In other words, the CP hierarchy subscribe to group sex think and if you don’t, you’re one of THEM.  That sound you can hear, is Terry Koeckritz polishing his guns, prior to a scouting mission to the grassy knoll.
  • Next up is another that should apply solely to the admins, “Cyber-Harassment”. If Terry Koeckritz using Lookitup to find out were an editor lives and then publishing that info on CP isn’t cyber harassment, then nothing is. But in CP-land, it generally means, “Oh no! I’m about to lose an argument! Mommee!”
  • I thought I’d save the best for last. If you have any lingering doubts that these are a bunch of delusional doorknobs, awash in their own self-worth, this should put those doubts to rest: “Re-block IP/ranges unblocked by traitor.” Basically, it means that if an admin, in a rare moment of sanity, realises his colleagues are all block-happy thugs and reverses said blocks, he’s committed a crime comparable to selling secrets to the Russians.

I’m sure over the coming weeks and months, I’ll be highlighting specific incidents and articles, but for a snapshot of the kind of people running Conservapedia, I think this gives us a fairly good head start. And remember, these people are educating children. Those parents should be charged with child abuse, methinks.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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7 Responses to Land of the Free?

  1. Random dude says:

    You forgot “Retired under voluntary circumstances; Admins will reactivate upon request”, which is most effective when TK places the retired template on their userpage himself and then blocks them using that reason with the email function disabled so they can’t email the request. If they come back using another account he will block them for “Abusing multiple accounts”.

    What I like is the tautology of having both, “Using anonymous proxy” and “Abuse of legitimate ISP for trolling / vandalism purposes”. You can block for using a proxy, you can also be blocked for using a legitimate ISP along with everyone else on that service.

  2. cpmonitor says:

    Too true. Thanks for pointing those two out!
    That was the problem with writing this – their reasons are so bizarre (and many!) that it was hard to try and single some out, to keep it to a reasonable length.

  3. Another Random says:

    Another one you forgot is “Canadian troll.” They seem to really hate any users from Canada, Europe or any “un-American” countries and will quickly insta-ban them, even if the users have done barely any edits, or even no edits at all.

  4. cpmonitor says:

    Most of that is TK’s doing, especially since he added the “liberal multiculturism” ban reason and might have more to do with his plot to undermine CP from within (which he seems to have told everybody, except Andy). But yeah, it’s sad that their “worldview” basically ignores everything outside of the US. Which only serves to make them look even more ignorant.

    I’m waiting to see how long Joaquin hangs around, now that the other furriners Phil and Jess have been sent packing.

  5. Former CPer says:

    The Liberal Multiculturalism/worldview block reason was a very hot topic, and one of the admins (who is Japanese) lost her blocking rights for arguing with admins (one in particular) about whether that was a legitimate reason to block someone. As a former Conservapedian with blocking powers, I know how the banhammer is used. I personally only used it for clear vandalism, or to enforce the “Please recreate your account with your first name and last initial”, although a handful of the admins themselves failed to follow that style (e.g. TK, Conservative, etc.). Even Ashlafly is the reverse of that convention, which should be AndrewS.

  6. Dantius says:

    Another good topic for you to cover would be the Best New Conservative Words “essay”, and the Conservapedia’s Law article.

  7. cpmonitor says:

    Good points Dantius. Been mulling over the “New Conservative Words” for a while. Agree totally on the Conservapedia Law. The next few sleepless nights are your fault, ok? 🙂

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