Editing at Conservapedia is a veritable minefield. Nevermind the restricted editing hours (08h00-00h00 EST, or whenever they feel like opening it), any administrator who might just happen to disagree with something you’ve posted will block you. This is usually for a period between 5 years and infinity (just to make sure you don’t come back from the dead – or after the rapture in their case – and try and insert facts again). It’s not just administrators either – it includes those mere peons upon whom Andy has bestowed blocking rights – these being far more important than editing or uploading rights.
There’s no review board, no hearing and no appeal. Just boom- you’re outta here. The administrators do have a wonderful sense of irony, however. They sometimes tell banned users they can e-mail Andy to appeal… except Andy’s e-mail is disabled and the blockee has their on-wiki e-mail rights revoked. Gosh, I bet that gets some chuckles down at the Arlen Specter effigy burning night.
One of the first things you see on CP’s main page is a link to the Conservapedia Commandments (it’s not that imposing – just a guide on what to and not to write). Yes! Andy is the Moses of the wiki world. These, of course, only apply to peons – the administrators flout them on average every 30 seconds. (For extra laughs, scroll down a bit further to see a lovely composite Darwin/Hitler picture, courtesy of Conservative. Yes folks, it’s a family friendly site – especially geared for teens. Just keep them away from the “Gay Bowel Syndrome” article (another of Conservative’s – see what we mean by obsessed?)
The real beauty, however, lies in their reasons for blocking you. Oh yes, if you’re banned from editing there until the entropy death of the universe, they want you to know exactly why. Which has resulted in a thoroughly bizarre list, which handily encapsulates all their bigotry and paranoia in one easy-to-find place. The list is too long to look at in detail, but here’s some highlights:
- First up is vandalism. Fair enough, it’s a problem at any public wiki (although Andy did famously report somebody to the FBI, after which we had a cover-up Hoover would have been proud of). Problem here is CP has “Vandalism”, “Moronic Vandalism” and “Liberal Vandalism!” Only true morons Conservatives know the difference.
- Then we get that wacky sense of irony again, because the very next item is “Liberal Name Calling”. Which should mean that if I block somebody for “Moronic Vandalism,” I should then block myself for”Liberal Name Calling”… unless you’re an administrator, of course.
- Next we have a classic of our time, the “90/10 Rule”. This is designed to cut down on chatter (in other words to stop people asking, “Is this a joke?” In theory, it means that you must make one main-space edit for every 9 talk-space edits. In practice, it’s more like “Uh-oh, you’re about to win an argument! 90/10! Boom!”
- Next, we get “Trolling/Liberal Trolling” I can only assume liberal trolls wear flares, which must make it hell to chase after the Billy Goats Gruff (a story, which incidentally, is far more factual than the next entry.
- After you’ve read CP’s entry for Pres. Obama, or rather Barack Hussain Obama (because they have to remind you he’s a secret Muslim) the next item might make sense – “Inappropriate edit to Obama entry.” Sadly, it doesn’t apply to the garbage they’ve written, but rather to people who dare write, “He’s not a Muslim!” or “He wasn’t born in Kenya!”, because in the world according to Andy, the US now has a Muslim Kenyan president. And this man is teaching children?
- Up next is the guarantee of the infallibility of CP admins – “Mind Your Own Business.” God help that an admin should make a mistake and you point it out to them. “MYOB! Boom!”
- The next item is proof that Terry Koeckritz is either a troll par excellence (and Andy a clueless idiot) or a racist, paranoid f*ckhead – “Liberal multiculturalism / world view.” In other words, the CP hierarchy subscribe to group sex think and if you don’t, you’re one of THEM. That sound you can hear, is Terry Koeckritz polishing his guns, prior to a scouting mission to the grassy knoll.
- Next up is another that should apply solely to the admins, “Cyber-Harassment”. If Terry Koeckritz using Lookitup to find out were an editor lives and then publishing that info on CP isn’t cyber harassment, then nothing is. But in CP-land, it generally means, “Oh no! I’m about to lose an argument! Mommee!”
- I thought I’d save the best for last. If you have any lingering doubts that these are a bunch of delusional doorknobs, awash in their own self-worth, this should put those doubts to rest: “Re-block IP/ranges unblocked by traitor.” Basically, it means that if an admin, in a rare moment of sanity, realises his colleagues are all block-happy thugs and reverses said blocks, he’s committed a crime comparable to selling secrets to the Russians.
I’m sure over the coming weeks and months, I’ll be highlighting specific incidents and articles, but for a snapshot of the kind of people running Conservapedia, I think this gives us a fairly good head start. And remember, these people are educating children. Those parents should be charged with child abuse, methinks.