Andrew Schlafly Fails Again

I almost feel sorry for Andrew Schlafly… almost. Time and time again he makes a supreme effort to convey whatever thought is passing through his mind, and yet through his own stupidity ends up making a laughing stock of himself.

This time round, he’s come up with another Sunday essay. Ah, I’ve missed these – it’s almost as if he hears something in the sermon and rushes home to twist these thoughts to fit his world view and cobbles together something that can only be called an “essay” because it’s a bunch of sentences grouped together.

This time round he’s come up with “Questions “Learned” Atheists Cannot Answer.”The questions in question deal with the Bible, which is where the epic fail comes in. You see, they aren’t really Bible specific (as in “Who was Ruth?” or something like that), but rather some serious general knowledge questions (and I love how he manages to have a dig at the fact that the Bible doesn’t make it on to the bestseller lists), that unless you were pretty keen on the Bible,  or a trivia buff, you wouldn’t have a clue how to answer. And that includes most religious people too. I’ve included the list at the end, so you can see what he’s up to. It’s a sneaky move on his part, because he knows that a lot of atheists have read the Bible and probably know it better than he does – so he’ll get his butt whipped on a simple point of scripture. By asking questions that no right minded person – never mind atheists – would know, he thinks he holds the trump card. Sad really, and he obviously tried so hard. Again. It all boils down to Andy’s deep mistrust of expertise, or people knowing more than him, so now he can beat his chest and claim the intellectual upper hand.

What it boils down to, of course, is that from this moment on, whenever Andy is questioned about anything, his stock reply will be along the lines of “Try this test, I bet you can’t get any of them right, you dumb atheist.” It’s much like me setting Andy a test on the complete works of Jane Austin and calling him illiterate when he can’t answer most of them.

The basic principle appears to be that Andy thinks – or rather, wants to demonstrate that – atheists are dumb, and wants to use this little exercise as proof that they are dumb – despite their claims of being “learned”. Now, you have to remember that Andy is deeply suspicious of anything bordering on expertise and you’ll

Just for interests’ sake, here are the questions. Have some fun with – maybe even challenge your religious friends to see how “learned” they are. (My answers alongside)

  1. A book that sells 30,000 copies qualifies for the New York Times bestseller list. How many copies of the Bible sell each year? (Ballpark estimate for the United States would be fine.) I thought the Gideons gave them away. About 10 million a year, since 1450. (Although I see the Little Red Book sells close to 21 million a year. Go figure.
  2. How many Gospels are there, and what are their different styles and messages? 4, dunno ‘cos I’m not that interested in them.
  3. Which of the Gospels are attributed to eyewitnesses? 2 – Matthew & John
  4. In which language are the oldest manuscripts for the Gospels written? Hebrew, Aramaic, with the NT being written in Koine Greek.
  5. Who wrote the most books in the New Testament? Well, Christians say Paul, but who knows who actually wrote them, right.
  6. How long is the New Testament compared to an average book on the New York Times bestseller list? Ok, if Andy is comparing this on word count here, I’m going to go away an beat my head on my desk. What’s the relevance, you idiot?
  7. Who first translated the New Testament into English based on the oldest manuscripts? Andy would say John Wycliff, but he’d be wrong. The Venerable Bede and Aldhelm both translated bits of the Bible into Old English around the 7th Century.
  8. Was the English translation banned after King Henry VIII split from Rome? No, Wycliff’s Bible was banned as heresy and his body was exhumed and burnt posthumously, 30 years after his dead.
  9. In what language is the Gutenberg Bible? Latin
  10. How many books are in the Bible? (Approximation is fine.) 66 – 39 OT; 27 NT
  11. What are some of the oldest books in the Bible? Job, or maybe the Pentateuch
  12. Who wrote the Acts of the Apostles? Paul

So, what do I win Andy? I must confess that I socked up and posted these replies – with a bit of editing, so I wasn’t blocked straight away – and I even got a mark from Andy. “about 50%. Not good, and I wonder if you looked some of the answers up. Most atheists would score far lower, however, so there is solace.”

“About 50%” Andy for a start, there’s 12 question, so what in god’s name does “about 50% mean’, besides the fact that you don’t want to give a proper answer. And yes, of course I looked up the answers and don’t you dare tell me that you or anybody else on Conservapedia knows them off the top of your head.

Maybe I should add some of my own for Andy.

  1. What made the “Wicked Bible” wicked?
  2. When was the first English Bible printed?

You see, two can play at the “suck hard questions out of my thumb” game.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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4 Responses to Andrew Schlafly Fails Again

  1. Pi says:

    I know one. It was a misprint that said; “Thou shall commit adultery”. The printer was fined 1000 pounds (of the original gold not this devalued pound) and had there licences revoked.

  2. Todd Larason says:

    “How many Gospels are there, and what are their different styles and messages?”

    I wonder if he considers 4 the right answer? If so, he needs a different question — there are other gospels, some of which were widely (but not universally) accepted prior to the canonicalization c400CE.

    “How many books are in the Bible? (Approximation is fine.)”

    Approximation is required, given the lack of uniformity between Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant & other groups.

    “Who wrote the Acts of the Apostles?” / “Paul”

    Is that the official answer for some church? My understanding was that it was generally accepted that whoever wrote Luke also wrote Acts and that we might as well call him ‘Luke’.

  3. cpmonitor says:

    Hey, I’m just chuffed that Andy Schlafly reads me and completely misses the point.
    @Todd – Acts was a guess on my part, then again I’m not really worried about it.

  4. Genghis says:

    I think Andy might know the Wicked Bible answer. Even a so-called “anti-theist” like myself knows that.

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