Conservatives versus Reality


I always take note whenever Conservapedia admin Terry Koeckritz does more than just abuse and block editors. Especially when he goes to the effort to “create” a new article – in this case “Conservatives versus Liberals“. Of course, where Terry is concerned, “create” means “plagiarised from here, here, here and here“.

In typical style, it’s a list of “Conservatives do good things, while Liberals do bad things” and it’s simplistic to the point of being idiotic. In other words, it’s a perfect addition to the rest of Conservapedia’s “Liberals are… ” articles. The latest of which is another Andrew Schlafly masterpiece, “Liberal Inability to Abstract ” – but more on that another day. Let’s have a look at the points Terry raises in “his” article and try and apply some sound reasoning to them.

  • If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
  • If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Ah, this old clunker again. Now personally, I have no problem with a conservative buying a gun, if he wants one. However, what about his conservative neighbour who buys a gun because the voice of Ronald Reagan tells him to. And what about little conservative Johnny who takes daddy’s gun to school, to sort out the local bully… and everybody else on the playing field. As the late, great Bill Hicks said, ‘There is no correlation between owning a gun and shooting somebody and not owning a gun and not shooting somebody And you would be a liar and a commie to state otherwise.”

  • If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
  • If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

Ok, this one is just insane, but a pretty good indication of the conservative mindset. I can only assume this is a dig at animal rights, because I can’t think of a single organisation wanting to ban meat. Ok, maybe PETA, but even Idi Amin is shaking his head at them, saying “You be too intense man.”

  • If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
  • If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

Wait… a homosexual conservative?? On Conservapedia?? Satan must be wearing a muffler right now, because such things do not exist in Andy’s world. I won’t invoke Ted Haggart’s name at this point. And it’s not “legislated respect“, it’s equal rights – the right to be treated as a normal human being. Then again, conservatives don’t see them as normal, or human. Same as single mothers, really.

  • If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
  • A liberal wonders whom is going to take care of him.

Again, this is just stupid. Besides all the bankers, who managed to better their situation with bail-out bonuses, I can’t think of many other conservatives who turn down welfare payments. In fact, I’m sure there’s plenty who made full use of “being taken care of” both during the Great Depression and during this Bush-inspired financial clusterfuck.

  • If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
  • Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

As with all things, there are no citations, so I can’t quote examples. However, they might have a point here – most people I hear on my local shows complaining about the content tend to be liberal… or at least those who say, “I’m not racist, but…” Then again, given the hate-filled rhetoric and drivel being spouted by a very, very frightened right, it would be no loss to have some of them silenced. It would be interesting for people like Anne Coulter or Jospeh Farrah to actually have to do a real job for once.

  • If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
  • A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a non-Christian religion, of course!)

Again… a conservative non-believer? In Andy’s world? Doesn’t exist! And besides Terry’s snide little addition, nobody wants it silenced. What they do want is the separation of church and state. As must as I’ve yet to meet a pro-lifer with adopted children, I’ve yet to meet a conservative who can’t see that what they want is the same as having the Mullahs running Iran.

  • If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
  • A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

Ah, it wouldn’t be a conservative rant if healthcare wasn’t raised. The liberal portion clearly indicates that whoever originally wrote this, has noooooo  idea how healthcare works, nor of the fine art of cross-subsidisation. Then again, are we surprised?

  • If a conservative disagrees with a liberal, he ignores them and carries on with his life.
  • If a liberal disagrees with a conservative, he will argue.

It’s when I see posts like this that I have to wonder if Terry isn’t taking the piss out of Andy. Admittedly, liberals do argue on Conservapedia… well, at least until Terry blocks them. However, they argue because they are faced with some of Andy’s insanity, which he defends by saying “I’m right! Open your mind! Read the Bible!” However, the top line is hysterical, because Conservapedia exists purely because a conservative could not “carry on with his life”. Hell, Andy spent a long time before CP was around, bleating on talk.origins about his weird beliefs. That’s hardly ignoring his disagreement, although it does explain his “La-la-la-I-Can’t-Hear-You” method of arguing.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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2 Responses to Conservatives versus Reality

  1. Pi says:

    The whole time Terry has overlooked such organisations as the American Family Association and Focus on the Family that hold noisy boycotts of corporations to force them into their ideological bent. They don’t quietly not shop there, they have protest out the front of stores and drown the management in email campaigns, several companies have had to spend money of email filtering equipment to stop their servers crashing under the weight of their “ignoring”. None of this is ignoring things. Plus might I add TV censorship. After the Janet Jackson Suoer-Bowl incident the FCC was hit with over 250,000 from Million Mums (most of whom probably didn’t see it), non of this “just change the channel” crap.

  2. random surfer says:

    •If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
    •Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

    Huh…so it was Liberals who were at all those “Fire Dave” rallies claiming that Letterman said Palin’s 14-year-old daughter “should be raped?”

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