Conservatism is Good for You!

Wow! Andrew Schlafly is really peddling Conservapedia hard… and sounding more and more like one of those people (Kevin Trudeau comes to mind… or the chick from the Big Green Clean Machine) you see touting their snake-oil on the Home Shopping Network.

Call now, our operators are standing by. Use our special brand of conservatism for at least one by-election and

  • Lose inches from your waist, hips and butt! Yes! Conservatism cures obesity and other addictions. Of course, never mind that obesity isn’t an addiction, you’ll still be cured. After all, as they say, laughter is the best medicine, and if you hang out at Conservapedia, you’ll be laughing… a lot!

  • Depressed? Suicidal? You don’t need Oprah to help you with those time wasters. No! become conservative and all your problems will magically vanish. Just think, you’ll be able to replace all that time you wasted in therapy talking to your shrink, with time talking to God. And the bonus is, God doesn’t talk back, so you even save time and money, to donate to the GOP.

  • Tired of deceit and bias? Don’t worry – you’ll be able to trade them in for a brand new set, untouched by human mind.Delight in the wonder of calling your President a Muslim! Marvel at the secret Commie plot behind Health Care! Squeal as the evil truth behind Relativity is revealed! Create your very own Hitler/Darwin composite picture!

  • We’ll remove temptation of all kinds, especially the one to actually think for yourself. Yes! No more having to wonder what’s right and wrong. Simply open your mind and let me fill it with whatever crap I can get away with – which is EVERYTHING, because it’s my encyclopaedia and I’ll block anybody who says otherwise.

So call 1-800-IAMANIDIOT now. Our operators are standing by… if Terry Koeckritz takes your call, you are not obliged to give him your home address.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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6 Responses to Conservatism is Good for You!

  1. Pi says:

    I can see how Andy’s brand of conservatism would make someone feel less depressed. If there is something wrong in your life, channel all that anger towards hating the liberals that are the cause of it some how. Don’t worry about the actually causal link, that is only a side matter, liberals are behind it some where.

    • cpmonitor says:

      Andy’s insanity never fails to amaze me. With examples, or even a how-to guide, he states that being conservative will fight obesity.
      Must be all that red meat they eat.
      But indeed – liberals are vegetarian, thus it can’t be good for you.

  2. random surfer says:

    The obesity thing is OLD. I don’t know why you and the RW group are all hot and bothered about it now. Around January 2008 he saw that Mike Huckabee had lost a lot of weight since his appearance on The Tonight Show back in 2001, so Obviously it must have been conservatism that did it. But wait…wasn’t Huckabee a conservative even back when he was a lardo?

  3. Baldgit says:

    Hi All

    I found this on Conservapedia – it is absolutely astonishing!

    “Islam is the second largest religion in the world, with over 1.5 billion followers, the number of Muslims is rapidly growing, mainly due to high birth rates, in both Muslim-majority and other countries . Conversions to Christianity (from any faith or lack thereof) outnumber those to Islam, but cannot keep up with the birthrate discrepancy.[3] [4]

    Only a small extremist sect of Muslims participate in this activity, using the concept of “Jihad” (Holy War), to justify their actions”

    Wow, the birthrate discrepancy is due to a small extremist sect of Muslims?

    • cpmonitor says:

      That sounds like the typically garbled English I’d expect from the people who ‘run’ the trustworthy encyclopaedia. I can only assume the last sentence is in the wrong place, but seeing as Professor Jensen has done quite a bit of work, who knows.

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