In response to the drivel I spoke about in “Conservatives versus Reality” below, I see the Drudge Retort (a witty alternative to the Drudge Report… why do conservatives suck at page layout?) have come up with a list of their own, that makes far more sense.
- If a liberal doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, she doesn’t have one.
If a conservative doesn’t believe that abortion is morally acceptable, he or she wants to prevent anyone from having one.
- When a liberal asks where he gets his news, he’ll give legitimate sources such as the N.Y. Times or Washington Post.
When a conservative asks where he gets his news, he won’t usually answer because it’s not from legitimate news sources.
- A liberal sees wrong and tries to right it.
A conservative sees wrong and if it involves another conservative, he claims it’s biased.
- A liberal believes most foreign policy issues are best dealt with by taking diplomatic measures.
A conservative believes we should bomb first and ask questions later.
- A liberal doesn’t mind his hard earned money going to legitimate government programs.
A conservative hates all things government, but doesn’t mind his hard earned money going towards multi-million dollar bonuses for CEOs.
- When a liberal thinks about education, he thinks about college.
When a conservative thinks about education, he thinks about grade school and high school.
- A liberal knows that a fact is information that is verifiable.
A conservative thinks a fact is something you can link to. It might be just somebody’s opinion, but if you can link to it, he believes it’s acceptable to use it as a “fact.”
- A liberal debates with facts.
A conservative debates by insulting the other person.
- A liberal evaluates information and forms an opinion.
A conservative gets his opinions from right-wing pundits.
- A liberal debates by citing events that have occurred.
A conservative debates by predicting events he believes will occur.
- A liberal debates using facts.
A conservative debates the facts.
- If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he’s not a real conservative and is branded a wuss.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he might want to ban guns, but most only want to ban assault weapons.
- If a conservative is a vegetarian… What are you, kidding me? A conservative vegetarian? Ha!
If a liberal is a vegetarian, who cares.
- If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how his political party can capitalize on it.
A liberal wonders how to solve the problem without getting anybody killed.
- If a conservative is homosexual, he hates himself but likes underage boys.
If a liberal is homosexual, he wants the same rights as everyone else.
- If a conservative is down-and-out, he blames liberals and minorities for his problems.
A liberal goes to college and develops skills that will make him prosperous.
- If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he rants, raves, and complains until he’s blue in the face about what he believes to be anti-American socialist/fascist ideas, or whatever else the right-wing pundits told him to believe.
Liberals are too busy with their careers to pay much attention to talk-shows.
- If a conservative is a non-believer… What are you, kidding me? A non-religious conservative? Ha!
A liberal non-believer doesn’t want his child indoctrinated by religious nut-jobs.
- If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes on Medicare and demands the government keep its hands off it.
A liberal wants affordable health care for all, insurance company CEOs be damned!