By now we all know that Andrew Schlafly – whilst hating anybody else’s claim to expertise – is a true master of all knowledge. We also know that he is equally capable of perverting anything to suit his own everything-is-black-or-white worldview. So it should come as no surprise when he turns his jaundiced eye on the World Cup. The football world cup (i.e. “soccer”, not that bastardized version of rugby the Yanks play. Stick any linebacker in a good old scrum without his padding and the moffie would last 30 seconds. Max.) , you know, the one where the whole world takes part, unlike the *ahem* “world series”.
First of all, he has a go at “atheist” England – who were to meet the USA in the group stages. For some reason, he manages to drag politics into it – which is odd when you consider the Tories had just won… even though they had to slip between the sheets with the Liberal Democrats. Based on the fact that the US goalie, Tim Howard, is probably better than anything the English had. And let’s face it, when your number 1 goalie has the nickname “Calamity” it’s probably not hard to have a better goalie. And the less said about Green, the better.
He then goes on to say rubbish such as, “Ravaged by atheism, England cannot even field a decent soccer team any more”’. They are the underdog against the obscure American team.” Now, once again Andy shows us that just because he knows nothing about them, they are obscure. To anybody else, they are not – many players play in European leagues and they were quarter-finalists in 2002. Not to mention finalists in the recent Confed Cup, where they gave Brazil a run for their money.
Of course, when called out on this, Andy begins to flannel in true Schlafly style, spouting nonsense such as, “[soccer is] not designed for television or statistical number-crunching.” Really? You should follow the Champions’ League then. And who really cares about stats anyway. By Andy’s logic, cricket should be the perfect TV sport – more stats than you can shake a big stick at. Needless to say, a very under-par England drew with the US… thanks mostly to Green’s howler.
But he wasn’t done yet. His “obscure” team qualified for the second round, where they met the sole African survivor, Ghana. And lost. True, it was in extra time, and to a team that basically had the whole of Africa supporting it. Does he congratulate the US team for making it so far, or the Ghanaians for wining. Yeah right. Apparently, the reason the US lost, was due to the fact that feminists had abolished football at a bunch of colleges. Whether this is true or not heaven only knows, because the link Andy provides merely discussed the game. But in what passes for Andy’s mind, it was the liberal mainstream media censoring the fact. Then again, I guess even Andy can’t say, “Damn! The niggers won.” on Conservapedia. I’m willing to bet most of the sysops thought that, however.
Then a new revelation. Ghana were playing with an extra player. God was on their side (when not supporting the Welsh rugby team, of course!). It was the power of prayer that won them the game. Um… hang on a minute. First the team draws against atheist England, then lose to Ghana, on the power of prayer. Does this mean that God doesn’t love America as much as Andy thinks He does?
Also, he seems to think that because America is “far larger and much wealthier” they should have won the game by default. True, money can buy you coaching, but it can’t buy you talent. Also, I wonder how Andy can use that “logic” to explain how Brazil have won five World Cups, Argentina two and Uruguay two.
Oh, and just to add a statistic for Andy, seeing as they appear to be important to his enjoyment of a sport, the USA actually fared better at this World Cup than they did in 2006, where they finished bottom of their group, losing to Slovakia and Ghana… again! Seems that prayer is working for them. Plus they also outperformed those other notable atheist countries, Italy and France.
All of this is just another glimpse into the workings of the man’s “mind” – and proof once again, that we just couldn’t make this up.