Washing The Hand That Feeds You


I’m actually not too sure just how to respond to Andrew Schlafly’s latest bout of insanity. Most of me just wants to yell, “He can’t be serious!” and leave it at that. However, as sad as it may be, he is being serious. And that makes his comment all the more bizarre. Remember, we are dealing with a man who has received (and squandered) a fairly substantial education.

Anyway, to the case in point. Conservapedia boasts an article entitled “Biblical scientific foreknowledge” which “is the remarkable content of the Bible showing a comprehension of scientific knowledge beyond anything that existed among atheistic sources at the time when the Bible was composed.” Sadly, most of the sources are CreationWiki and Answers in Genesis, so one would have to assume the teeniest bit of bias, and whole lot of what-the-fuckery.

So what is Andy’s latest addition to this turgid mess? Sit back, because it’s a goodie:

It was common thought throughout history that infections and illness resulted from the digestive system, based on unclean hands or food. Jesus rejected that view, and declared hand-washing before meals to be typically unnecessary. It took many centuries before science caught up to the Bible on this.

Wait a minute. Surely, we’ve all been beaten about the ears by an angry parent and told to go and wash our hands before eating. Hell, we used to get caned in boarding school for going to bed with dirty feet (but I’m much better now!) Although – surprise, surprise, Andy doesn’t supply a source for his bizarre comment, one can assume he’s referring to Matt 15:17-18, which reads as follows in the NIV:

17“Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’

Now, I would think that even the most hardened of atheists would agree that what Jesus is going on about here, is comparing eating, which doesn’t do you any harm… except if it’s pork, of course, to saying words which “come from the heart” and thus blacken the soul. or something. One should also bear in mind, that those were the days long before toilet paper made its welcome and 2-ply’d appearance. Even with toilet paper, I’m sure most of us still run our hands under the hot tap for a bit. And I’m going even going into why nomads and what nots don’t use their left hands to eat.

But clearly not in Andrew Schlafly’s house. Never mind the research or findings of people such as Drs. Oliver Wendell Holmes and Ignaz Semmelweis, who changed a visit to a hospital from being a lottery as to whether or not you’d emerge alive, to the more sanitary places we see today. Well, sanitary apart from the superbugs, of course.

My mind often boggles at Schlafly’s insane lack of common sense and – despite his frequent pleas for dissenting editors to “open their minds” – amazing narrow-mindedness. This is the same guy who is against vaccinations and who shills for the bunch of quacks forming the AAPS. Now it would also  as if he’s against basic hygiene too. Because of something Jesus said. Or raher Andy’s gross misinterpretation of something that may or may not have been said, by somebody who may or may not have lived 2000 years ago, and who should have known better in any event.

Let me repeat the comment made by this Harvard & Princeton educated moron: [Jesus]declared hand-washing before meals to be typically unnecessary. It took many centuries before science caught up to the Bible on this.

Well, I dunno. Maybe I missed something, but from what I can tell, it was only when people started washing their hands that the infection rate started to drop. But hey, that’s just my impression. I’m only human, I could be wrong and Andy has trumped me with his vast knowledge of all things. let me see what the respected Mayo Clinic has to say about hand washing:

Frequent hand washing is one of the best ways to avoid getting sick and spreading illness.

Oh look, they even give you handy tips on when you should wash your hands and even how you wash your hands. Maybe I should post a copy to Andy, as clearly his mother missed something while raising him. She was probably too busy doing speeches and book signing on the virtues of women staying at home, baking cakes and enduring marital rape.

It even says – the Mayo Clinic that is, not Phyliss – that hands should ALWAYS be washed before preparing food and eating. Then again, I guess they’re just another bunch of liberals who know less than Andy.

Either way, if I ever have the misfortune to meet the man, I’m not shaking hands with him. Who knows what that black stuff under his nails could be…

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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2 Responses to Washing The Hand That Feeds You

  1. Pi says:

    There is something to be said against being to hygienic. I know the CDC said that anti-bacterial house cleaners don’t have any effect over regular cleans in controlling disease. There has been speculation for years that we are making our homes too clean and that this is the cause of increasing rates of asthma. I don’t think I wash my hands before eating unless I am eating with them, but I also keep my hands fairly obsessively clean; washing them every now and then for no better reason than I feel they have gotten too dirty.

    I must say the bit that annoys me the most about Andy is watching him waste a fantastic education on his stupid endeavors and his even stupid “insights”.

    • cpmonitor says:

      I agree with you there. I have no problem with kids building up immunity by playing with dirt. And if a clean house promotes asthma, then I run no risk of ever contracting it!!I do feel doctors over-prescribe anti-biotics, which isn’t a good thing.
      However, as you said, to watch a highly educated man squander his talents on these wild leaps of fancy is sad in a way. I know we shouldn’t speak, but give the time most of sysops spend on CP, it’s as if they have no life outside it.

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