Oh… a Birth Certificate… Move the Goalposts.

By now we all know that Conservapedia has been the central repository of all things insane concerning Pres. Obama. Even more so than the right-wing nutters over at World Net Daily – even they didn’t go as far as claiming “Obama doesn’t dance, therefore he’s a Muslim.” Then again, as mad as Jospeh Farah is, he’s miles behind Andrew Schlafly, who has the advantage of blending is own personal brand of insanity, with a seething personal hatred of Obama, which dates back to their time together on the Harvard Law Review.

In this, Andy is assisted by loyal loony and resident seditionist Jpatt, who besides leaping on the “Obama is a Muslim” meme, is  hardcore birther; and self-appointed Director of Counter-Intelligence (a phrase that applies all to well to CP) Rob Smith, who’s responsible for outlining all Obama’s political ills… as well as the fact that his real name is Barry Soetoro. Together, these three have combined to call Obama everything from an atheist, to a Muslim, to a communist, to a Maoist, to a capitalist gone mad…

In fact, from reading Conservapedia, you’d form the opinion that the only thing that can’t be blamed on Obama, is athlete’s foot.

In fact, you only have to read the opening few lines of their article on Obama to realise just what insecurities, lies and jealously are behind its creation:

Barack Hussein Obama II (aka Barry Soetoro, said to have been born in Honolulu August 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and the first President who is biracial. He has been associated with numerous radical fringe groups and causes and served less than four years as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). In a controversial decision, Obama was the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Peace prize.

Oh yes, that’s the version the day after the White House released Obama’s birth certificate – so much for the Trustworthy Encyclopaedia. Of course, birtherism isn’t the sole prerogative of Conservapedia, but has been a bastion of belief for most redneck wing-nuts, who have a serious problem with a black running their country and the fact that they lack the intellectual capabilities to argue any other potential short-comings of the Obama administration. Even mainstream Republicans are avoiding the issue, leaving it up to the Teabaggers and Trump to make their pathetic claims.

And then Obama does release his birth certificate  (actually he’d already released a version a few years ago; predictably the birthers said “Not good enough!”) and takes the wind out the Conservapedia wing-nuts’ sails. Or does he? Because if there’s two things we know – firstly, Andy Schlafly is never wrong and will never admit to changing his mind and two, you’ve got more chance of the Vatican giving up buggering altar boys, than of a right-wing nutter – of the sort who populate Conservapedia – changing his convictions. How does Conservapedia deal with this?

Jpatt kicks things off, with a main page post (under the typically wing-nut edit commit “WH releases B. Hussein Obama’s CoLB”)

Two-million dollars in legal fees protecting its’ (sic) release, the White House finally shows off Barack Hussein Obama’s certificate of live birth.”’ America can thank Donald Trump for finally bringing this to a boiling point.

Besides his massacre of an innocent apostrophe, Jpatt happily repeats the lie about the $2 million in legal fees. And clearly this time round, he’s preparing to drink Trump’s bath water, instead of Palin’s.

Naturally it isn’t long before Andy’s on the scene, and then things get really interesting.

First, he starts off by parroting more of Trump’s garbage,

Donald Trump observes after Obama finally produced what appears to be a  birth certificate, “Why he didn’t do it when the Clintons asked for it? We have to look at it. We have to see is it real? Is it proper? But I hope it checks out.” (my emphasis)

But, as they say in the classics, wait – there’s more! Andy adds his own little extra – after all, he has to be unhappy about something, now it’s bleating about why he took so long.

Today Obama surprisingly produced an apparent birth certificate but without a convincing explanation of why it took him so long.

Although, to his credit, he does remove the bit about the lunatics at WND now demanding to see Obama’s kindergarten records. However, he’s not finished yet, for he suddenly asks the question:

“Was a child born in 1961 to a foreign parent visiting the United States automatically an American citizen?”

The implication being that because Obama’s father was Kenyan, Obama can’t be seen as being a U.S. citizen. U.S. law states that “”All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” The “subject to the jurisdiction thereof” means that children of diplomats and others would enjoy diplomatic immunity, would not qualify for U.S. citizenship.

However, Andy – who has a law degree from Harvard University remember, is using to argue that “Citizenship requires agreement to the jurisdiction of the sovereign; consent by the sovereign and the child (or both parents) is what matters.” In other words, he’s completely ignoring the fact that Obama’s mother was a U.S. citizen – who gave birth in the U.S. He seems to be implying that as a foreign student, Obama senior somehow enjoyed diplomatic immunity and was thus not under U.S. jurisdiction and thus Obama doesn’t qualify as a U.S. citizen.

The whole debate has moved to the talk pages (with the latest capture here, in case it gets burnt when Andy makes a fool of himself) which seems to be spiralling along those lines – his father was a filthy foreigner, so Obama can’t be a citizen. It might be worth following the debate here, to see just how insane it all gets, as Andy once again defends the indefensible.

Still, at least they haven’t branded Obama a shape-changing immortal lizard yet. But surely that’s only a matter of time…


There might be a few of these as things develop over time – such as Andy hanging on to madwoman Orly Taitz’s assertation that Obama holds dual citizenship and thus can’t be President – but it might be worth noting Andy’s “improvement” of CP’s article on Birthright Citizenship, which used to read:

Birthright Citizenship is the provision where babies born to illegal aliens in the U.S.A. get automatic citizenship. A child born to an illegal immigrants, automatically holds U.S. citizenship. The child born of an illegal alien mother is eligible to sponsor legal immigration for other relatives when the child turns 21 years of age.

but after getting the Schlafly treatment, now reads

Birthright Citizenship is the argument — never approved by the U.S. Supreme Court — that babies physically born in the United States obtain automatic citizenship by virtue of their place of birth, even if born to illegal aliens. Under this theory, a child born to an illegal immigrants automatically holds U.S. citizenship, and that a child born of an illegal alien mother is eligible to sponsor legal immigration for other relatives when the child turns 21 years of age.

An argument against ”’birthright citizenship”’ is the long tradition that children born to foreign diplomats while in the United States do not thereby become American citizens. For many years American Indians — including those born in the United States — were not considered to be citizens either.

The last part again shows his ignorance of the fact Obama’s parents were not diplomats, and he seems to be invoking America’s racist past (well, present if you count the reservations) to justify not counting Obama as a citizen.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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8 Responses to Oh… a Birth Certificate… Move the Goalposts.

  1. Bryan says:

    And that last section is a flat out lie as well, specifically the “never approved by the Supreme Court” bit. Just because they disagree with the decision doesn’t mean it never happened.

  2. Will Blass says:

    Donald Trump, of all people.

    On a totally unrelated matter, why did you change the site’s motto?

    • cpmonitor says:

      Sadly, it seems as if Trump 2012 is Palin 2008 – flavour of the month. Scary, I know. The change came about because apparently WordP have a rule that a blog can’t be use to attack a single person or entity, so I’ll have to throw in an occasional critique of WND or something.

      • The ghost of GaryJ says:

        Karaturd has been awfully busy sending demands around. The truth must hurt him deeply.

      • Pi says:

        I think I suggested a while ago that you should expand whilst CP was in one of its death throw modes. Go with the wcmtu address.

        • cpmonitor says:

          I would, except this one has all the Google rankings 🙂 without SEOing too!

  3. Totnesmartin says:

    I approve of occasional attacks on WND. And don’t forget freerepublic, if your eyes can take it.

  4. Totnesmartin says:

    …and my little icon reminds me I should update my crappy little blog sometime 😦

Comments are closed.