The Birthers are Dead! Long live the Deathists!


So Obama’s killed Osama.

Or something along those lines anyway. Either way, the fact remains that Something Good has happened on Obama’s watch, and whilst it hasn’t ended global terror, it’s brought closure and happiness (although I can’t say I’m impressed with the animalistic chanting of “USA! USA!” when his death was announced) for thousands of people.

Except Andrew Schlafly and his hand-picked thugs over at Conservapedia.

I think there’s enough evidence on here that Schlafly’s hatred of Obama goes way beyond party politics and probably back to their days together on the Harvard Law Review. Add to that the fact that he’s surrounded himself with a bunch of socially inept and spineless birthers, young earth creationists and Teabaggers – all of whom combine to make the phrase “bat shit insane” an insult to bat shit – and you have a recipe for pure, unadulterated bullshit.

Which is what you get with most things Conservapedia, of course, but the true crazy comes from Andy, especially with none of his lackeys being man enough to stand up to him. So, either they agree implicitly with his insanity, or they’re just happy to be tarred with the same crazy brush. This is especially true where Obama is concerned, where they really do outdo themselves in slobbering over every morsel of anti-Obama rhetoric they an spew on the “trustworthy’ encyclopaedia – where Obama is All Bad, All the Time, and must be a Muslim, because he’s rarely seen dancing.

However, the opening salvo in the “Who Can Be The Biggest Dick” stakes, came from Conservapedia’s resident self-proclaimed Director of Counter Intelligence (yes, you are allowed to make the obvious inference); locator of reds under the bed; and purveyor of all the finest conspiracy theories – Rob Smith.

He started out so well, with a large headline, “Bin Laden Dead!” But then the bullshit took over. First, he claimed that ABC News reported that 6 American troops had been killed (an out-and-out lie, but the kind of thing we’ve come to expect from Rob). Then he went on to claim that they’d known about the location since August, and wondered just why they hadn’t used an attack drone, instead of risking troops. This from Conservapedia’s self-proclaimed Director of Counter Intelligence, who clearly has no clue how intelligence gathering works – not to mention the likely mine of intel that could be gathered from the house itself. Not to mention the fact that using a drone in a built up residential area is hardly going to win you any popularity contests with the locals. Still, they’re just a bunch of filthy Ay-rab ragheads, right Rob, so who cares about a little collateral damage? Luckily Rob has retracted his lies and has now been reduced to complaining about the petrol price and how Obama will ride Osama’s corpse to the election.

All of this without a single “Yay! Osama’s dead!” One has to wonder just where Conservapedia’s (not to mention Rob Smith’s) sympathies actually lie.

However, the real fun starts when Andy gets involved. Now, you have to understand – Andy LOVES a good conspiracy, be it anti-asbestos legislation being responsible for the WTC collapse, or vaccine hysteria, or mad professors diddling their studies on evolving bacteria, Andy has his finger – but sadly, not his brain – on the pulse of the matter. And so it is with the death of Osama.

You see, it would appear as if Obama has done a Good Thing. But this flies in the face of Schlafly’s black-or-white view of the world. Regardless of all the petty jealousies Andy has harboured since varsity days, Obama is a Democrat and thus must be demonised at all costs. Credibility be damned! Well, that last bit was a bit of a leap; after all it’s been years since Andy and his right-wing hate blog have had any credibility.

  • Andy starts immediately by criticising Obama’s speech about the momentous occasion, claiming that “Obama’s speech: many self-serving references to “me”, “my” and “I”‘ … and no credit given to George W. Bush.” Now, I’ve had a look at the speech. It’s 1,378 words long. “Me” appears twice. “My” appears thrice and “I” appears 10 times, which is only logical, seeing as he’s providing feedback. In contrast, “we” appears 40 times, “us” appears 7 times, and “United States” or “United States of America” appears 5 times. Hardly self-serving. Also, one has to ask, besides invading Afghanistan and Iraq, just what Pres. Bush did about capturing Bin Laden. Oh yes… he bombed some caves and declared “Mission Accomplished” 8 years ago. Way to go, George. You da man!

Conclusion: Andrew Schalfly is a fucking liar, with a massive insecurity complex regarding Obama.

  • Once again, Andy bleats about Obama no giving any credit to George Dubbya. The irony here, of referring to a liberal double standard, because conservatives congratulated Obama, is as illuminating as it disturbing. In Andy’s mind, it seems as if conservatives shouldn’t be congratulating Obama, presumably because he’s a filthy Dem. He’s also outraged because Obama didn’t credit Bush, who – let’s face it – contributed…. oh yes, nothing, to the endeavour. Actually, this seems to be a common bitching point with right-wing fuckheads. For people who moaned about the cult of personality surrounding Obama, they still seem pretty attached good ol’ George.
  • Not to be outdone, Rob slobbers all over Andy, repeating the hackneyed reports that since-assassinated Pakistani President Bhutto had claimed Osama was dead, back in 2007. When Prisionplanet and Godlikeproductions are runnign with it, you know Conservapedia is in good company. It’s also a massive comprehension fail (surprise!) Bhutto mixed some names up, and I see nobody’s mentioning the video where she claims Osama’s alive, a year later. Still, when have the rabid right ever been interested in facts?
  • Andy makes his first contribution to the Deathist cause. And why shouldn’t he – he knows a good conspiracy when he sees one, hell, he’s followed enough of them. “Questions are emerging now from liberals, libertarians, Tea Partiers and even a relative of a 9/11 victim about whether the killing of Bin Laden happened as reported”’.  ”Why was Bin Laden buried so quickly at sea, in violation of Islamic law? Why wasn’t he captured alive, if the reports are true?” This is funny in a way. Andy is suddenly worried that Bin Laden wasn’t given a proper Islamic burial, probably the first time he’s ever thought anything remotely positive about Islam. Seriously. The man is so paranoid about attacking Obama, that’s he’s almost saying that Bin Laden was mistreated. Now I know the whole “enemy of my enemy” thing, but come on! Andy also doesn’t seem to be able to grasp that a) Bin Laden probably wouldn’t have let himself be taken alive and b) doesn’t understand that the last thing most sane people would want, would be a shrine to Bin Laden somewhere ashore. Then again, I did say “sane people” didn’t I.
  • Next Andy proclaims himself an expert in DNA analysis. Remember, Bin Laden’s DNA can only be matched to that of his family, so there will never be an exact match, only a familial match, which would indicate the samples are related by blood. “The government claims it was a “virtually 100% DNA match; another report said there was “99.9%” certainty it was Osama Bin Laden. But real DNA matches are 100%, not “virtually 100%,” with certainty of identity of 4 billion-to-one rather than merely 1000-to-1. ”’Why haven’t the DNA results been released for independent review?” This is sheer beauty and is straight out of the Lenski Affair – Andy once again displaying willful ignorance and demanding that the samples be handed over for independent review – presumably by himself.
  • Finally it had to happen. Quoting Talkingpointsmemo, Andy asks the question, “Was Bin Laden even there?

The Birthers are dead! Long live the Deathists!!!!

I think my final word on this whole sorry mess has to go to their resident seditionist, John Patti, who feels that killing Osama Bin Laden was all a part of the Muslim agenda of the Obama administration, as he writes, “Obama orders the U.S. military to take out Osama Bin Laden, claims victory.”

You know, on reading that massive piece of stupidity again, sometimes I wish I did make this stuff up.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
This entry was posted in Administrators, Andrew Schlafly, Birthers, Conservapedia, Deathists, Obama, Rob Smith and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Birthers are Dead! Long live the Deathists!

  1. Totnesmartin says:

    “it’s been years since Andy and his right-wing hate blog have had any credibility.” Four and a half, to be precise.

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