Psy has the Conservapedia angle well covered and now he has “Jesus” to keep an eye on as well, so I will be looking for my own host of loonies to cover on this prestigious blog. To that ends I would like to introduce you to James I. Nienhuis.
Nienhuis, like our good friend Andrew Schlafly, has thrown off the shackles of enlightenment placed him by an Ivy-League education and found the truth in a book written between 2600 and 2400 years ago, by a group of intelligent and well educated people, at least compared to the goat-headers they governed. Why did they get to govern the goat-headers you may ask? God told them they had to, it was in the book he dictated to them. How do they know the book was dictated by God? It said so in the book that all the intelligent and educated people could read. There is a latter edition of this book produced by some of Alan’s friends and that is the one our friend Nienhuis reads, although he seems to rarely seems get passed the first chapter.
Now I don’t want to leave you with the impression that Nienhuis is narrow minded, not at all. To the contrary he is very well read. He seems almost obsessed with Plato’s Timaeus and Critias holding them nearly (but not quite) to the same level of respect as the guide to goat-headers governance. Although more specifically, he enjoys Plato’s description of the ancient civilization of Atlantis. Now most people see Atlantis as an allegory used by Plato to discuss politics and the roles of government and power. Nienhuis sees it for what it “really” is, evidence for the flood.
However in Nienhuis’ eyes Plato slipped up. Plato puts the sinking of Atlantis at 9,600 BC (or 401 HE in my preferred calendar). However as Nienhuis explains Atlantis was sunk at 1,500 BC (8501 HE) because that fits better with the Bible. Now I am about to link to one of Nienhuis’ articles for the first time so be warned, his article titles make no sense. I have two hypotheses why this is; first of all, he could be a modern day Joyce writing a stream of consciousness about the article, or alternatively, he is attempting search engine optimization. Nienhuis instead places the sinking of Atlantis as an event connected with the end of the “Ice Age”, which he places at the aforementioned date.
Plato describes bronze age ships, architecture and metallurgy in the Atlantis story, so obviously his 9600 b.c. date was mistaken, and by how much? The submerged megalithic ruins found throughout the Mediterranean and eastern Atlantic also bespeak so-called bronze age construction, and that my friends puts the end of the ice age at circa 1500 b.c., when the Exodus of the Jews from Egypt coincidentally manifested.
Nienhuis’ interpretation of flood geology is the creationist standard. The warmer flood waters “heated from below” evaporated, leading to the higher precipitation rate, this in turn lead to glaciation and the Ice Age, which caused the lowering of sea-levels, all the marsupials followed the Aboriginals to Australia, the Ice Age ended and the sea levels raised to their current level (okay I added a few things but that is in essence the thesis). Nienhuis, like most creationists, is also a global-warming denier. Now some of you may notice the remarkable overlap between this story and the current theories of climate change. This is completely coincidental and record snow falls should always be pointed at as all the evidence you need against global warming, warmer ocean temperatures only lead to increased precipitation once and that was after Noah’s flood.
Besides flood geology, Nienhuis also uses Plato to connect groups of people you had previously thought of as unrelated. As he explains the Maya were descended from the Canaanites:
This trans mediterranean and atlantic connection by seafaring can be proven with the letters a-t-l in the word Atlas; the proof is that those three letters a-t-l meant water from ancient Canaan, the homeland of the ice age Sidonians, whose father Sidon was (yes) Posidon, all the way to the Americas where a-t-l meant water in the Mexicans’ ancient homeland’s name, Atlan.
When Nienhuis is not using Plato to write an alternative history of America and prove flood geology or being a global warming denialist, he participates in a little numerology (and once again Atlantis is used as an explanation). At this point it is pretty clear that Nienhuis is a crank magnet, so it is with little surprise find out that he is also a teabagger and a birther.
Nienhuis is a gift that keeps giving, he has written two self-published books Ice Age Civilizations and Old Earth? Why Not!. I have pdf copies of both of these and shall be reviewing them in time. Really this is too easy.