That Little E-mail

I mentioned in my previous post how Conservapedia sysop and resident swabbie, Brian Macdonald, consistently refers to a certain e-mail, which was originally sent to a now-blocked (surprise, surprise!) editor of racist bigot Andrew Schalfly’s little hate blog. The author, one “Jeff Tavolieri”, sent the e-mail in response to former user (and likely parodist) Willminator’s attempt to address creationist issues to a broad band of journalists. Or something like that anyway – the details have blurred a bit against the background noise of the general crazy over at Conservapedia.

Suffice to say, Brian leapt on this and constantly rolls out selected portions – because quote mining is what those on Conservapedia do best – to justify his hysterical claims that liberal atheists want to steal everything from his guns to his kidneys. I think it’s only fair, dear reader, that you are presented with the e-mail in its entirety, not just the parts that fit Brian’s Cafeteria Christian way of selecting the best bits. I’ll refrain from commentating of the e-mail myself – it’s up to you to decide if it’s genuine, or if Brian and his cronies are bat-shit insane. What I will do, is add their comments after the mail, and mention the fact that it was originally brought to the sysops attention by long-term and deep cover troll, Terry Koeckritz, who – love him or loathe him – was a master at playing on the insecurities of the sysops – especially the paranoid such as Schlafly, Rob Smith and Brian Macdonald.

Terry sent the e-mail to the secret Conservapedia Group, under the heading “Rational Wiki Vandals — Their True Face….”, to which he added:

This was forwarded on to me by user Willminator.  As you can see, their true nature hasn’t changed one bit over the years.  It is good to be reminded now and then of this fact, because we all have a tendency to want to believe them when they claim we are no longer their true focus, or they have grown more reasonable…
Imagine what kind of person would stoop to send such heinous garbage to a mere lad.

That last line is a pure classic, given the heinous things Terry and the others have said to editors over the years. Anyway, here’s the full text of that e-mail:

Subject: you will never stop us

You may have it figured out, but you can never stop us. Let this be a warning to you: I am pro-abortion. I do support population control. I do support letting the weak die (or even helping them die). I do want to take your guns away you. I will see to it that no prayer is ever given in a public school. I will fight to destroy the institution of marriage as you know it. I will indoctrinate your children and insulate them from your religious dogma. I will fight the conservative myth of american exceptionalism. I will fight for a one world government. I will fight for gays in the military even if it weakens it.

I will lie, revise history, cheat, steal and censor to further our goals. What are you going to do about it? I will stop at no end, but you have to operate within the fictional bounds of your morality. How can you win this game when I can break the rules? Give it up and get out of america while you still can because nothing will stop us. Do you think you’re going to fight? Do you think we would have any problem using chemical warfare or weapons of mass destruction? Do you think we care if women and children get in the way? Face it, we will win.

Liberalism and atheism will prevail. The conservative movement will be systematically dismantled and there is NOTHING you can do. Wake up to the facts. Wake up to a war that you simply cannot win.

You might recognise the bit about “I will lie, revise history, cheat, steal and censor to further our goals” – that’s the bit Brian likes to quote. He happily ignores the references to the one world government, liberals fighting with chemical weapons… possibly because even in what passes for his mind they sound Japanese game show insane.

Still, want to know how Brian reacted to this?

That’s the words of Satan himself.

And as far as winning goes, he’s already lost; he just hasn’t gotten it through his head.

I think we should use this email publicly.

“The words of Satan!” Then again, those are words coming from a man who thinks one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse can be seen in a video on the Egyptian riots… and even if it isn’t, it’s still a sign that Jesus is coming back any day now. However, the post does follow a very Brian Macdonald pattern:

  • Step 1 : Utterly insane pronouncement
  • Step 2 : Empty blustering
  • Step 3 : Preparing to shoot himself in the foot and take Conservapedia out in the collateral damage.

Keep that last point in mind for now, but suffice to say Brian set the wheels in motion by posting this to the Human Events sites, claiming that the readers there can see “just what kind of despicable people this man represents. ” I assume he wasn’t being self-referential.

But we’re not done yet. Terry “There’s a pod of dinosaurs in Lake Champion” Hurbut jumps into the fray:

Jeff Tavolieri sounds like a high-school student. That’s the kind of thing that one high-school student sends to another, when he has convinced himself that the other person is indulging in a paranoiac fantasy, and decides “to illustrate absurdity by being absurd.”

That’s the kind of guff I had to contend with when I was in high school and junior-high school. (Excuse me: today that’s called “middle school” or at least “upper middle school.”)

And of course he does not realize that, while he thinks he’s being absurd, he is actually giving away the playbook. After all, no diagnosis of paranoia, and no finding of paranoid ideation, is tenable when the ideas are in fact correct.

So it seems that Terry “Lunar Bukkake” Hurlbut was the object of scorn at school. Then again, given the drivel he spouts nowadays, it’s hardly surprising. The man takes “illustrating absurdity by being absurd” to scary new places it was never intended to go.

However, in conclusion, remember what I said about Brian shooting himself and Conservapedia in the foot? Well, not content with frothing at the mouth within the Conservapedia Group and so blinded by rage he sends the e-mail on to a number of conservative media personalities, saying, “… a statement stating exactly what liberalism as a whole actually is: a philosophy based on intolerance, control, bigotry, and fascism.  Since the above people are in the media, why not send it to them?  Yes, it gives the Rats some attention as well, but on a larger sense their little rant could backfire, possibly up to and including tipping the balance of the November Election more in our favor.

It’s also worth noting, that apart from Terry Koeckritz mentioning RationalWiki in the subject of his original mail, nowhere does the e-mail mention RW – just more proof that Brian is unable to equate liberalism with anything else. The delusion that an e-mail, sent by a parodist to Schlafly’s blog would swing the election, is about as laughable as Schlafly saying that Conservapedia is responsible for the swing to the right in the US.

So, just who did Brian send this e-mail to? Stephanie Simon (author of the original LA Times article on CP), Phil Valentine & Michael DelGiorno – WTN 99.7 Nashville, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Roger Hedgecock, Ann Coulter, David Limbaugh (Rush’s brother) and Chuck Norris.

And they wonder why mainstream conservatives avoid Conservapedia like it was a same-sex marriage advocate.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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7 Responses to That Little E-mail

  1. Genghis says:


  2. Kels says:

    Sending it to Chuck Norris is the icing on the crazy cake.

    • I thought so, too.

      BTW, I left a message for you in the saloon bar, Kels, if you ever go around there anymore.

      • Kels says:

        I take a look now and again, mostly at WiGO-CP, but then something like Human continuing to peddle his “I was declared innocent” fiction, or the chicken coop, or that damn stupid moderator vote (who thought choosing someone who needs specific skills via a popularity contest was a good idea?), and I remember why I went in the first place.

        I’m glad I laid at least one gem that people still like, though.

  3. brxbrx says:

    I think it’s funny how they obsess over these messages they get from vandals.

    I guess we can say that anything the John Birch Society says to be official Conservative cannon

  4. Norseman says:

    If that email (in its entirety) is compared to the threats and antics Karajou and other batshit folks in the Conservaleaks have conspired about, the scales will shift sides pretty quickly.

    Unfortunately, angry man Jerkyjou won’t get the irony.

Comments are closed.