Oh Kentucky!


It always helps to read any article you’re about to comment on, all the way through. That’s probably what tripped up the Rabid Right’s new poster gal, Michele Bachmann, when she claimed that black Americans were better off under slavery than under Obama. Well, not that she actually read or wrote anything – that would require some form of intelligence.

I nearly did something similar in this case. You see, I’d been pointed in the direction of a religious website that was having a dip at everybody’s favourite bunch of creationist nutjobs, Answers in Genesis. For those of you who don’t know, these are the people behind the Creation “Museum” (where you can such wonders as Adam and Eve hanging around with dinosaurs), as well as the Ark Experience. The latter is a Noah-themed park built around a replica of Noah’s Ark. Of course, by “replica” I mean “pulled it out of their arses,” because there’s no original to base a replica on. Needless to say, what better way to spend Kentucky’s tax dollars?

However, personally I think a replica Ark would be amazing. It would give visitors a chance to stand inside and say things like, “So where did they keep the whales? Wait… they put all the animals in here? Where did they keep the food?” Sadly, I have a distinct impression that such inquiring minds would not be welcome, given the usual fundamentalist paranoia about things like “facts” and “truth” at the “Museum.”

Needless to say, the fact that both the “Museum” and Ark are based in Kentucky makes it seem like the place is even more screwed up than Arizona or Texas… which, you have to admit, takes some doing. I did, however, think were was some hope when I came across the Kentucky-based “Fellowship of God’s Covenant People” and their post, by Pastor Don Elmore, which was basically having a dip at AiG. Admittedly, I couldn’t quite see what the angle of their complaint was. They seem to be wondering how AiG receives so much front page press in the “Saturday Enquirer” – I assume a publication of the Kentucky Enquirer, a publication so prestigious it doesn’t even have its own website – as well as how they grew from “a book and cassette tape room in a very small space in a small strip mall” to their current fame and fortune. (I’m sure an answer would involve such things a the gullible masses and lessons from Kent Hovind… but don’t quote me on that.)

Then I came along two sentences that raised my eyebrows so high, I think I sprained something:

This organization, “Answers in Genesis”, has offices in what we would call “white” communities, and is doing a valuable work in producing books and videos that counter the claims of evolutionists, although they basically teach a form of evolution themselves!

I am aware of the forces supporting “Answers in Genesis”, these being the same powers that are supporting similar multi-cultural anti-Christian organizations such as Alpha, Promise Keepers, The Full Gospel Businessmen’s Association, Billy Graham ministries, producers of many modern Bible versions, and a multitude of other ministries.

Wait a minute… Billy Graham anti-Christian? I have a lot of words to describe Graham and his ilk, but “anti-Christian” wouldn’t be one of them. “Everything-that-is-bad-about-Christianity” would be one, however. So just was their beef with AiG then? It didn’t take too long to find out. In between a wall of Bible verses and their interpretation thereof, for example:

“Answers In Genesis” and almost all preachers wrongly use the word “things” rather than “people.”  When we look at this verse, the general teaching is that there should be a separation of one people [not thing] from another.  It is about people.  Matthew 25:32 shows how this verse is by showing the separation of Israelites according to whether they are sheep or goats.  “And before him shall be gathered all nations:  and he shall separate them from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats.” 

  1. “Touch” means “carnal intercourse”.  Unclean people are not to be “touched” by clean people. Acts 10:28 teaches that a person from the Kingdom of Judah should not call any man from the House of Israel common or unclean—now that the Saviour of the House of Israel has died and been resurrected.  For he once was divorced and unclean, but NOW he is made clean by the blood of His Redeemer.

What? I’m always amazed at the new and innovative ways that fundies assign meanings to words, but this was a new one to me. My eyes were also starting to water a bit and I was torn between giving up on my analysis, or reading a bit further. Luckily – or not, as it were – I carried on, and soon came to the real reason FGCP have a hardon for AiG.

You see, the Fellowship of God’s Chosen People, together with Pastors Don Elmore and Mark Downey are a bunch of white supremacist, racist fuckheads, who make the Ku Klux Klan look like a bunch of good ol’ boys who like fancy dress. But don’t take it from me. The Southern Poverty Law Center describes the FGCP as believing that “God chose white people to become the rulers and administrators of God’s kingdom on earth. Only they can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” Other races aren’t mentioned in the Bible, therefore they don’t matter. Needless to say, this is full of fail. I’m sure the Holy Land was just teeming with blonde-haired, blue-eyed Caucasians running around. Hell, maybe Jesus was the fruit of some Roman’s loins… no, wait… they weren’t really Caucasian either.

Just in case you’re still wondering just how fucked in the head these scumbags are, here’s another little quote from their article “Jewish Ritual Murder” (yes, you can see where this is going, right?)

It is not so much the perverse nature of jewry as much as its diabolical character that internationally threatens the entire planet.

I’m sure I’ve read something similar somewhere

At least now you know why they were referencing “touching” the “unclean” and in fact, that is what their beef with AiG is all about. You see, AiG brought out a book called “One Blood” (which our resident sub-humans call “Blasphemous!”) in which the authors look for the Biblical answer to racism. (I hope that follow up books, looking at the Biblical answer to obesity and bestiality are in the offing!) In this book they propose the following 3 scenarios and ask which of the following 3 impending marriages would be most suitable:

  • A black male “Christian” +  A white female “Christian”
  • A white male “Non-Christian” + An Asian female “Non-Christian”
  • A white male “Non-Christian” + A white female “Christian”

Needless to say, AiG’s answer is that they’d prefer the 2 Christians to tie the knot.

Need I tell you which option the racist fuckheads think is the best option?

And just when I thought Kentucky couldn’t get any worse.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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