Defensive Weapon of… God’s Wrath?


As twue Conservatives (yes, the spelling is intentional) racist bigot Andrew Schlafly and his goon squad over at the 3rd rate right-wing hate blog, Conservapedia, have massive hardons for guns. If it isn’t Schlafly fantasizing about everybody in the US of A carrying a “defensive weapon of gun” – to use a phrase he coined – and thus being able to blow away anybody who even thinks about launching a mass-shooting spree, then it’s fellow sysops Brian Macdonald and John Patti, who probably lie awake at night, getting all sweaty at the thought of blowing away Conservapedia’s critics (i.e. everybody else on the planet), or putting a few high-powered rounds through Obama’s head.

I’m not kidding about Schlafly’s position either. He seems to genuinely believe that every shooting spree… which is cause by people having easy access to guns… would be stopped, because passersby would simply whip out their own sidearm and turn into instant snipers. Even after the unfortunate incident a few years ago in Akihabara, where a guy drove a truck into a crowded street and, Schlafly claimed that it would never have happened if people had shot the driver beforehand.

So it was with a sense of glee that I came across an article in Cracked that put it all into perspective. Simply put, more people were struck by lightning in the US of A last year, than successfully used a firearm to stop a crime in process.

Don’t believe me?

Ok then, have a look at this:

I have no idea where I’m going with this post, so I’ll stop here. Before I do, here’s a fun little stat concerning the number of murders, grouped by weapon:

2008 2009 2010
Total : 14,224 13,752 12,996
Total firearms: 9,528 9,199 8,775
 % of Total: 66.99% 66.89% 67.52%

But as the late, great Bill Hicks once said:

There’s no connection between having a gun and shooting someone with it, and not having a gun and not shooting someone.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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6 Responses to Defensive Weapon of… God’s Wrath?

  1. brxbrx says:

    You know, I really think he meant “defensive weapon OR gun,” and that that was just a typo.

    • WWWWolf says:

      The original bullet point was “widespread ownership of the largely defensive weapon of gun must not reduce crime”. Even if you change “of” to “or”, it still reads like borderline incomprehensible garble produced by a drunkard of drunk.

      Anyway, a follow-up question to the statistically inclined: How many people were struck by lightning *while* committing a crime?

  2. Norseman says:

    I can just imagine the carnage of 50+ people in a mall when someone whips out a gun and fires. The reaction times and arrival of others would mean someone would see a shooter blasting the initial suspect, not knowing who’s innocent, and shooting the wrong person. It’d be a chain reaction of chaos where whoever shoots next will suddenly become the target of the next bullet.

    In Andy’s mind, the system works, because the initial suspect was taken down. Nevermind the many others wounded or killed in the mayhem. Just like his blog, in fact.

  3. Nitpicky McNitpickerson says:

    Shouldn’t that be “to use a phrase he coined”

    • PsyGremlin says:

      erm… I dunno… I’ve always known it as “to coin a phrase”. I think you might be right Nitpicky person. Have a cookie on us.

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