A Special Kind of Crazy


I have to hand it to Conservapedia – just when I throw my hands in the air and write them off, somebody in charge there steps up to the plate and delivers the special kind of crazy that racist bigot Andrew Schlafly and his cohort of hand-picked goons have made their own.

Lately, Schlafly et al has jumped on the wing-nut short bus surrounding Tim Tebow. For those of you who don’t know, Tebow is a second rate quarterback (the guy who throws the ball… in a football game. Go figure)  for a second rate American football team, who’s more famous for being a god-botherer, than for being a pretty useless quarterback. You see, Tebow, has developed a habit of throwing (ahem!!) hallelujah passes, which win his team the game in the dying seconds. Needless to say, the right-wing fuckheads have leaped on this as a sign that Tebow is blessed by God… happily ignoring all his other teammates that played their guts out to get him into a position to make the winning pass in the first place. Still, it helps when you have Jesus on your side.

It’s also a sign that the right-wing fuckheads are desperate for some sort of hero figure, given the current clown car of candidates, vying for the right to lose to Obama at the end of the year.

Of course, it isn’t enough for the nutters at CP to merely celebrate Tebow’s success. They aren’t happy unless there’s some liberal conspiracy floating around, so they can flaunt their imagined butthurt – in this case, it’s the fact that the liberal lamestream media (to use another childish phrase coined by Schlafly) ignoring Tebow’s god-given efforts. Or as Schlafly puts it:

Are liberals worried that conservative Tim Tebow’s stunning success for the Denver Broncos will make it more difficult for Obama to win the swing state of Colorado? Already CNN is omitting news of Tebow’s success on its website’s front page. 

Except that if you go to CNN’s main page, you see…

However, it takes Mr Perpetually Angry, resident swabbie Brian Macdonald, to bring the true crazy to the party. You see, it seems that Tebow threw a total of 316 yards… in a game of football, but I digress… and this clearly has significance for the Crazy Gang:

Evidence for God? During his college years at the University of Florida, Tim Tebow wore black eye patches with the number ”’3:16”’ on them, in reference to John 3:16. What are the odds of Tebow throwing 316 yards in his team’s victory over the Steelers? 10,000 to 1? A million to one? Or did God Himself make it happen?

Yes Brian. God took a few hours out of his busy schedule to help some team that – let’s face it – almost nobody outside of the US of A has even heard of. Not just that, but 316 yards isn’t that great – Brees has thrown 466 yards in a  game. Now that’s impressive… I think. What I know about American football can be written on the head of a pin. Or Macdonald’s brain. Same difference.

It’s also worth noting that Tebow has the lowest completion percentage of NFL quarterbacks in both the regular and post season stats. You’d think God might want him to stand out a little bit more.

However, we are talking Brian Macdonald here, so maybe we need to take things with a pinch… nay, a truckload of salt. After all, this is the same man who said the following about the Egyptian riots:

This video of the demonstrations in Egypt is pretty interesting, as well as very ominous.

At the 1:17 mark something shows up in the video that could either be a reflection of a flag, an image of an individual on horseback deliberately-placed via Photoshop…or it could very well be the first appearance of the “Pale Rider”, aka the Fourth Horseman of Revelation.

To me, this is just more evidence – rider or not – that Jesus is coming back with the next few years.

Whoa, hang on there a second, Bucky. Notice how we go from “Look there might the Pale Rider” to “It might be Photoshopped” to “Rider or no rider, this is a sign Jesus is coming back!”

As I said, a special kind of crazy.

But let me play devil’s advocate here for a minute. Let’s just assume that God did drop by the game and carried the ball for Tebow. Did anything happen while he was away from the controls?

  • 451 people are homeless, 3093 homes and 56 people were injured, and 5,243 buildings damaged or destroyed by flooding in Brazil (8 January)
  • Death toll rises to 30 by Compostela landslide (Philippines) -30 bodies recovered with 44 still missing in the landslide that hit a gold-rich mining township of Napnapan
  • Tornado in State of Orissa, India -1 died with 6 person injured

Yup, that sounds like the kind of mythical deity I’d bow down to – one that lets people die, so he can attend a ball game.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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8 Responses to A Special Kind of Crazy

  1. P-Foster says:

    Good post, but: no more comic sans. Seriously.

    • PsyGremlin says:

      But… but… it’s our looney script 😦
      Just go for green ink then?

  2. brxbrx says:

    A welcome reprieve from the current RW drama.

    By the way, you should watch the SNL skit on Tim Tebow. Just google Tebow SNL. It’s hilarious, and quite topical.

  3. Hahaha. A special kind of crazy indeed!

  4. WWWWolf says:

    “At the 1:17 mark”?
    It is just one more sign of the coming time! Master Chief will save the Earth, no doubt about it!

  5. Norseman says:

    Reminds me of the DarkMatter2525 video (don’t have link T_T) where some starving African kid prays to God to solve his obvious hunger issues, and ends up playing football (the MURICAN version!) to win. It’s based on the logic/reality that God ignores starvation, but always lends a hand in sports.

  6. Pi says:

    This wouldn’t worry me if I wasn’t seeing Tebow everywhere. Click on NFL.com and the first half dozen articles are about Tebow. There are 52 of the guys on his team, never mind the 7 other teams playing.

    Look at this waste of an article. A piss poor internet morphing site used to create an “article”. Sports journalism is the lowest form of journalism, but this sinks lower than usual.

    For fuck’s sake, he is one below average player with a huge fan base that is not connected to his football skills at all.

    Remember three years ago they were talking Sanchez up as a rookie that took his team to the playoffs, now they are talking about him getting cut?

    • brxbrx says:

      And it’s not like all other QBs aren’t Christians, too. Only this one is really loud about it. Personally, I don’t mind. He’s not doing much to invite it upon himself (except that he’s famous, but that’s hardly his fault. If he weren’t, he’d be yet another outspoken fundie). It’s just people like Schlafly looking to capitalize on a popular Christian.

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