Your weekly WND round-up

Fellow contributor Pi is up to his ears in what he calls his “Ph.D,” but is actually beer and naked groupies… what? You think we’d blog like this if there weren’t perks? Therefore, I’ve taken it upon myself to trawl through the latest offerings on the site. Sorry, that should read “offal on the site.” Despite all Farah’s crowing about the “new look” WND, the reborn (did you see what I did there?) WND’s design is pretty awful, once again showing that nutters seem incapable of employing decent web design. They’ve also gotten lazy, merely posting a synopsis for their readers, and acting as a link farm to the full story.

They’ve probably taken the attention span and reading ability of their audience into account.

Tebow for President!

So, let’s kick off with a bit of irony. WND – the home of the “Where’s the birth certificate” nonsense – is currently flogging “Tebow for President” bumper stickers. This despite the fact that his star is plummeting faster than Mel Gibson’s popularity amongst the Jewish community. The irony? Tebow was born in the Philippines. Yes, I know it’s a slogan, but you’s think that a bunch of people who are so concerned about where – and to whom – the President is born, would know better.

Black genocide

Then they’re touting a new movie from Jason “Molotov” Mitchell – the 29-year-old whack-job Christian nutter movie maker – which claims that Planned Parenthood has a “black genocide directive” and has targeted black Americans for extinction. In case you don’t know Mitchell’s work, he’s the moron behind a bunch of heavily discredited anti-Obama birtherism crap, as well as endorsing Uganda’s “death penalty for homosexuals” bill. All in all, a very nice Christian chap. I wonder what WND would make of a liberal walking around calling himself “Molotov?”

More birtherism

They’re carrying on about the Georgia hearing over Obama’s eligibility, surprise, surprise. There’s much yahoo-ing over the fact that Administrative Law Judge Michael Malihi considered granting a default judgment before the birthers even argued the case, but they held out, wanting to present the evidence, and thus providing us with a good laugh.

Farah waxes lyrical in his column, and you can almost hear him gurgling with glee as he proposes that the administrative judge will ban Obama from the Georgia ballot, before carrying on about forged birth certificates and the “pending preliminary findings” from racist sheriff Joe Arpaio’s “Cold Case Posse”. Gosh, I wonder what he’ll turn up.

Farah also manages to cover his ass, by stating that “even in the highly unlikely event that it is genuine and accurate, it represents further evidence of Obama’s ineligibility because it would represent documentation that his father was a non-citizen of the U.S.” once again, handily forgetting that his mother was a U.S. citizen.

Screw the Environment!

Just because Obama killed the Keystone pipeline, doesn’t mean it’s dead. Apparently a Nebraskan Republican lawmaker has tabled a bill which means they can ignore the President and build the pipeline anyway.

Just another example of the right’s thinking that the dollar now trumps the consequences later. This is, of course, a good thing in WND’s book.

Screw the Rules!

Two stories here, where the rules don’t matter if WND is on your side.

Firstly a teacher is taking his school to court, because they made him take down posters with religious slogans down. Of course, “God Bless America” is a patriotic slogan in WND’s eyes. I rather like his counter-argument though:

…other teachers were allowed to keep anti-religious slogans such as John Lennon’s “Imagine,” Buddhist prayer flags and images of Black Muslim leader Malcolm X.

That sound you hear, dear teacher, is the point missing you. If a 16-year-old girl can realise that having religious-themed posters in schools is against the rules, then surely a teacher could.

The other one is a 50/50 for me. Apparently a kid has been suspended from school for having too long hair. The thing is, he’s survived leukemia and is growing his hair to donate to other cancer sufferers. I admit, it is a very worthy cause, but the school has a very clear hair policy: “off the collar, off the ears, and out of the eyes.” You’d think that arch conservatives would be in favour of school rules being enforced.

But in this case, you can put it down to “because liberals.”

Piltdown man, therefore evolution is a lie.

David Rives – who seems to be a fundie astronomer – hauls out the old “They were fooled by Piltdown Man” crap, in an attempt to show that evolution is based on a lie and therefore false. It’s a Point Refuted A Thousand Times, but I’m going to link to it, because the stupid in the comments has to be read to be believed. If you ever needed a sample of WND’s audience’s intelligence, this is it.

Corsi makes shit up again

Jerome Corsi, still trying to grab the limelight, after Obama stole his thunder, decides to make stuff up. It seems somebody called Adam Eugene Cox has been arrested for posting a perceived death threat against racist sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Corsi titles his piece “Obama backer arrested for death threats against Sheriff Joe,” before saying in the body of the article “An Obama supporter…”

Now there’s a HUGE difference between being a backer and supporter, but I’m guessing that Corsi a) hopes that WND readers won’t read past the headline, or b) won’t know the difference.

WTF Moment

WND seems to think that an elected official – in this case Republican Representative Allen West – saying the following, is a good thing:

Take your message of equality of achievement, take your message of economic dependency, take your message of enslaving the entrepreneurial will and spirit of the American people somewhere else. You can take it to Europe, you can take it to the bottom of the sea, you can take it to the North Pole, but get the hell out of the United States of America.

It seems to be targeted at “liberal leaders” but as that’s the sum total of the article on WND, I have no idea what its context is, besides West being an insufferable idiot.

Movie reviews

I admit, I didn’t know WND did movie reviews, so here’s an update. They’re reviewing “Man on a Ledge”… well, I use the word reviewing broadly, because the reviewer takes great pains to tell us just how the female co-stars are treated likes “pieces of meat:”

…audiences get introduced to Banks’ character in a pair of panties and a shamelessly sheer undershirt, the only purpose of which is to show us not only the exact size and shape, but even the color of the woman’s nipples.

Rodriguez fares no better, as she works to break into a high-security vault in the entirely sensible plunging neckline and push-up bra. Once inside the vault, Rodriguez must slip into a wetsuit, so naturally, she strips down to her Victoria’s Secret and wiggles and wriggles and bends for the camera, such that her boyfriend remarks, “Angie, you are a piece of art.”

Clearly our reviewer was paying close attention… very close attention. PS Remind me why this is a bad thing?

My favourite quote from the review has to be:

I’m no feminist. I’m no bleeding heart liberal. I’m actually one of those evangelical Christians who believes the husband is the head of the home and the Bible actually does mean to use the word “submit,” but even I can smell the misogyny in “Man on a Ledge.”

Yup, Drew Zahn sounds like quite the ladies man. However, what you really need to know is that:Man on a Ledge” has “roughly 50 profanities and obscenities, most of which don’t detract much from the script, though there is one strong use of obscenity;” it’s sexual content consists of “a few innuendos and lewd comments, the partial nudity described above and a passionate kiss.” In terms of violence, we have “a prison-yard fistfight, some gun play, a car chase, a foot chase with people crashing into one another and other various scuffles;” and as far as religion goes, “The movie has only a few, small religious elements, including a funeral in which a priest declares, “Faith in God’s promise and faith in yourself is your one true ally.” A few pieces of cross jewelry and a cross tattoo are also present, as is a Hindu character on the street seen briefly praying.”

Seriosuly, if this is how these people go through life, no wonder they’re all such cheerless sons of bitches.

Now my eyes are starting to bleed, so I’m signing off.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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6 Responses to Your weekly WND round-up

  1. Sophie says:

    “handily forgetting that his mother was a U.S. citizen” – but these are conservatives speaking, therefore women don’t count. Unless they ‘re conservatives.

  2. Pi says:

    Sorry 😦 Pi will do better in future.

  3. Pi says:

    Two interesting things.

    1) Tebow is also not old enough to be president, he is not 35.
    2) Molotov was the name of a Soviet general, I think Mitch is showing communist leanings.

  4. Norseman says:

    “ff[sic] the collar, off the ears, and out of the eyes.”

    Fuck them! My hair goes down to my ass, and you know what? I throw it all back, norse-style (no pun intended *points to name*). Doesn’t go to my eyes, stays behind the ears (unless they meant ears are completely untouched, then that’s just gay), and falls behind my back, mostly not even touching the collar. I’d hate to see how the rules apply to girls: must have minimum length or some stupid shit.

    Love the new banner at the top. Coke-eyes, Comfort, Schlafly, Robertson, got a good collage of crazy stupid.

  5. brxbrx says:

    Loving the new header. You couldn’t find the right animal, so you settled for the humans this blog is about.

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