The Week in which I Agree with WND

Yes, I know. Shock! Horror! What has become of me? However, there’s no need to panic – I haven’t suddenly become convinced that Obama is a Muslim, or that Shariah law is taking over America – it was merely a headline that claimed “Kardashian, Hilton ‘make stupidity fashionable'”. And it’s technically not even a WND article, but merely a splash page, leading to a full article on the Christian Post.

So, now that normal service has been restored, let’s have a glance through the latest offerings from this bunch of right-wing nutters.

O’Reilly not a birther?

Their banner story cries “O’Reilly: I’m too busy to report on Obama eligibility.” In it correspondent Bob Unruh (I wonder if he’s any relation to the mass-murderer, Howard Unruh?), who is possibly a bigger birther than his boss, bemoans the fact that Bill O’Reilly isn’t as orgasmic over the findings of Sheriff “I hate me some Chicanos” Arpaio’s “Cold case posse” as Unruh and Farah are. In fact, O’Reilly – along with sane people everywhere – is firly dismissive of the whole thing, claiming “Well, because Sheriff Arpaio has not presented any hard evidence to back up his assertion. Secondly, I am very busy. I looked into the birth certificate myself and found out there were two separate birth announcements made in Honolulu newspapers on the day Barack Obama was born.”

Of course, this does not go down well with the WND crowd. They dismiss the newspaper cuttings as follows:

The listing in which the Obama birth announcements were published included babies who were born overseas. Also, children as old as 3 were listed as newborns, the investigators documented.

I’m not sure what part of “on the day Obama was born” these chuckle-heads don’t understand, unless there really is some sort of conspiracy dating back to 1961 to get Obama into the White House.

Look at how stupid the South is!

Ah, it must be nice to have your own “newspaper” where you can make up your own headlines. Our friend with the mass-murdering namesake returns with a headline screaming “Look how many in the GOP think Obama is Muslim.” Of course, given the average IQ and reading ability of WND’s readers, that’s probably as far as most of them will read. It turns out that just over 1,200 Republican yahoos were polled during the primary elections in Alabama and Mississippi. Now, if I was to think of bastions of intelligence and, well, dental hygiene, these two states would be pretty far down my list.

Needless to say, when these sister-lovin’ good ol’ boys and gals had finished voting for Rick Santorum (which speaks volumes in and of itself) some 48% declared he was Muslim, with another 38% declaring they were uncertain – probably because they didn’t understand the question.

Of course, 63% of them also don’t believe in evolution, so it’s unlikely we’ll see a cure for cancer coming out of there anytime soon. Instead, WND is happy to trumpet how stupid their followers are.

It’s all Soros’ fault

It seems that former U.S. deputy under secretary of defense, Gen Jerry Boykin told Glenn Beck to read up WND to see exactly why Obama has sent troops to Uganda – it’s all about oil and Soros is pulling the strings. WND, Beck and a Christian fundie all in one hat? You know the crazy is going to come out. It has all the hallmarks of the perfect conspiracy theory:

He revealed that Soros sits on the executive board of an influential “crisis management organization” known as the International Crisis Group, which recommended deployment of a special advisory military team to Uganda to help with operations and run an intelligence platform, a recommendation Obama’s Uganda action appeared to fulfill.

Wait… “appeared” to fulfill? The mind boggles. Of course, mention Halliburton and Iraq to these idiots and no doubt their heads will explode.

Impeach him!!

Yes, not content with having Obama declared unfit to stand as President because he’s a dirty Muslim, born in Kenya, it seems the Racists… I mean Republicans now want to have Obama impeached. First up, we have a NC representative tabling a bill that would make the President’s use of offensive military force without authorization of an act of Congress, an impeachable offense.

This is clearly more straw-clutching over the Libya fiasco, which the Republicans happily forget, was a NATO operation. And sanctioned by the UN, unlike George W’s invasion of Iraq.

Then there’s a laughable – and at least they had the good grace to say it’s unscientific – poll conducted, I presume, on WND itself, where they claim “9 of 10 in poll: Time for impeachment.” What makes this doubly laughable are the various choices available to the morons taking it. Here’s a few examples and results:

  • 28% = Yes, if not for his military use, then for his other high crimes, such as not being eligible, his phony birth certificate, and fake Social Security number.
  • 15% = Yes (because why should WND readers need to give reasons?)
  • 13% = Yes, it’s way past time (now I see why they called it unscientific)
  • 11% = Yes, or else America is done for
  • 9% = Yes, but only if concrete, beyond-a-reasonable-doubt evidence is assured
  • 7% = Yes, it will at least publicize to Americans his crimes before the election
  • 4% = Yes, it’s a good idea to at least lay the groundwork for whatever his next offense is

In case your mind is boggling as much as mine is, what until you see the “no” responses, which aren’t really nos at all:

  • 3% = No, the Senate would never convict him, so it’s a waste of time and energy answer
  • 1% = No, this is just politics by desperate Republicans
  • 1% = No, if they didn’t impeach Bush for unauthorized use of military, they sure shouldn’t Obama

“They sure shouldn’t Obama” – the English language, you fornicator of matriarchs, are you fluent in its usage?

Going down

My head is starting hurt sooner than I hoped, so I’m going to leave off with this gem – the Captain of the Titanic was drunk when the ship hit the iceberg. No liberals or Obama to blame here, just a mention that a letter describes the Captain having been seen in the saloon bar, rather than having dinner and then retiring for the night.

What is interesting, however, is this line:

Was down in the saloon drinking and gave charge to someone else to steer

Now, maybe WND aren’t too sure about the working of a ship, but firstly there’s be a night watch anyway and secondly, it’s the helmsman who steers, not the Captain. Then again, WND is quoting The Sun… yes, that The Sun.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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2 Responses to The Week in which I Agree with WND

  1. swiss1970 says:

    lol u are a crazy muppet!!!in a nice way might i add…your posts make me laugh!!!,good god were do you find these idiots???
    AND yes im still awake at 1pm english time,(be asleep in bed by 2.30pm), keep them coming mr …
    brightens my day!!!
    take it easy…

  2. Norseman says:

    That impeachment poll is retardedly funny. Yes, I said RETARDEDLY. Deal with it. *sunglasses*

    One good thing I enjoy is reading the comments on the links. Borderline illegal “take him out!” and freakishly religious people claiming he’s Muslim. I could just copy/paste comments like that into a book and sell it.

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