Land of the…

You’re going to have to indulge me for a bit today, but I’m going to be doing one of my “off on a tangent” posts. It comes about as the result of a typical bit of Yankee right-wing drivel, courtesy of Terry Hurlbut. You see, despite the fact that the US of A is being ruled by a secret Muslim atheist, who’s determined to turn the country in a caliphate, if he doesn’t bankrupt it and send everybody to as FEMA death camp first, they have this notion that the United States is some kind of utopia that the rest of the world yearns to be.

To quote Hurlbut:

Of course it’s because you’re jealous. You’re jealous of our standard of living, our industrial capacity, everything.

Followed by:

Enjoy what you call a standard of living now, before the entire socialistic scheme collapses of its own weight, as it must.

This comment was directed at somebody who lives in Germany and who pointed out that Germany’s industrial capacity actually exceeds the US’s. It’s a typical neener-neener-neener reply from Hurlbut, when he’s been handed his ass.

Now I’m sure the US does have a pretty good standard of living; it’s certainly higher than my own country’s, but is it ideal? Not if you’re a newborn baby.

You see, the US ranks 48th in the world when it comes to infant mortality. To put it into perspective, they’re alongside such places as Croatia, Belarus, Serbia, Poland. What’s even more telling are the countries ahead of the US: New Caledonia, Hungary, Cuba, Canada, Greece, Portugal, South Korea, Belgium, United Kingdom, Germany, Netherlands, Japan.

Now I’m not saying that infant mortality is the be all and end all, but it does give one pause for thought when a country can’t adequately look after its youngest and most helpless citizens.

Still, I thought what would America be like under the typical ideal fundie state – i.e. religious and Republican? The best place to start would be with the most religious states in the country. The kind of places where they’re legislating that creationism be taught in schools and that holding hands leads to sex. According to the Huff Post, these are:

  • Mississippi (59% religious) (I still smile happily when I spell that right first time)
  • Utah (57%)
  • Alabama (56%)
  • Louisiana (54%)
  • Arkansas (54%) (How the hell is that pronounced “Arkensaw?“)
  • South Carolina (54%)
  • Tennessee (52%)
  • North Carolina (50%)
  • Georgia (48%)
  • Oklahoma (48%)

Yup, these look a right bunch. You’ve got Alabama and Oklahoma and their “personhood laws;” Mississippi’s abortion clinic laws; Tennessee’s “Don’t say gay” insanity, not to mention their “monkey bill” which has been passed. So, suffice to say, we’re dealing with what amounts to Fundie Central here.

A quick glance at the 2008 election tells me that all of the above, with the exception of North Carolina (which Obama won by 0.3%) are Republican states. So, it’s safe to say we have our fundie utopia to analyse.

I’ll start off with a soft target (if you’ll excuse the pun) see as atheists are supposed to be the obese ones, let’s have a look at the most over-weight states in the US (2012 figures not available yet – these are as at July 2011) :

  • Mississippi (34.4%)
  • Alabama (32.3%)
  • West Virginia (32.2%)
  • Tennessee: (31.9%)
  • Louisiana: (31.6%)
  • Kentucky: (31.5%)
  • Oklahoma: (31.4%)
  • South Carolina: (30.9%)
  • Arkansas: (30.6%)
  • Michigan (30.5%)

Hmm…  7/10. Not a bad hit rate. Especially when you consider that West Virginia and Kentucky are both red states.

Well then, what about money? If God’s on your side, then surely He must be looking after you. Hell, isn’t that what all those preachers are saying? If you give them your money, then God will give you some of His money? By that logic, I’m guessing that it’ll be all the filthy liberal states that’ll be the poorest, right?

  • Mississippi
  • Arkansas
  • Tennessee
  • West Virginia
  • Louisiana
  • Montana
  • South Carolina
  • Kentucky
  • Alabama
  • North Carolina

I guess I was wrong. The usual suspects all show up again.Ok then, let’s look at the worst median income per state:

  • Mississippi
  • West Virginia
  • Arkansas
  • Kentucky
  • Alabama
  • Oklahoma
  • Tennessee
  • Montana
  • South Carolina
  • Louisiana

Damn! Mississippi sounds like a wonderful place to live – full of poor, fat people who pray all the time. Still, being the God-fearin’ folk they are, I’m sure they’re not engaging in any of that nasty premarital sex stuff. Especially now that abstinence education is the way to go, and they’re banning abortion – even for rape and incest. I mean, come on, incest? We’re talking places like Mississippi and Tennessee here, for cryin’ out loud !

Oh dear. Not only do the states with abstinence education plans have the highest rate of teenage pregnancies… but guess who heads the list. Mississippi. Let’s have a look at the top 10, with births per 1,000 teen girls:

  • Mississippi 55
  • New Mexico 52.9
  • Arkansas 52.5
  • Texas 52.2
  • Oklahoma 50.4
  • Louisiana 47.7
  • Kentucky 46.2
  • West Virginia 44.8
  • Alabama 43.6
  • Tennessee 43.2

I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to see some sort of trend forming here. Well, I’ve looked at illicit births (so to speak), let’s have a look at deaths. Where in the US are you most likely to meet a violent end (excluding places like Texas, where Rick Perry will have you in Old Sparky for littering):

  • Louisiana
  • Maryland
  • Missouri
  • Mississippi
  • New Mexico
  • Arizona
  • South Carolina
  • Nevada
  • Georgia
  • Alabama

Seriously, these are the places run by right-wing fundamentalists and yet they appear to failing on just about every scale imaginable. And I’m supposed to be jealous of that?

Maybe if their elected officials spent less time worrying about creationism and more about their constituents, things might turn around. But I doubt it.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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5 Responses to Land of the…

  1. Ely says:

    This is soooo true!

    Also, this:

    “Arkansas (54%) (How the hell is that pronounced “Arkensaw?“)”

    The same way Worcester is pronounced “Wooster” (as in Worcester sauce) XD Seriously, English makes no damn sense in pronunciation (spelling is easy, I learnt that when I was little). Do you know how many years it took me to speak properly English as a second language? 9. F*cking. Years. Kind of frustrating considering I could write perfectly and my reading comprehension was through the roof when I was 7. ~le sigh.

    “If God’s on your side, then surely He must be looking after you. Hell, isn’t that what all those preachers are saying?”

    The fundies really believe this? This is wrong on soo many levels! In Spanish we say “A Dios rogando y con el mazo dando”, that is “To God we praise and with the hammer work away”. I mean, He gives you the opportunity but they will not be on a silver platter. These people are for real? Good /God/.

    And those statistics that you showed us are appalling. Fundies shouldn’t be in control of any form of State whatsoever.

    This is the country we’re supposed to be jealous of?

    • Rob Herbert says:

      To be honest, this is a pretty pointless post.
      The whole point is that KenDoll is trying to draw a line between sets of things he thinks are bad. You’re enabling him by pointing out that his data shows the opposite: it means that if he discovers set of data that *do* confirm his bigoted opinions, you’ve just given him cover.
      Congratulations on granting Ken his premise.

      • Ely says:

        It’s just a set of data that I’ve read about in other sources, and this post confirms it (using other sources. I perhaps should have clarified my “This is soo true” first aprt of the post. It just notes a pattern. I think he did us a disservice by excluding other states (he even mentions to excluding Texas) because otherwise this comes as too partial.

        But I didn’t feel like mentioning that. And I’ve done a little research on my part, and the American fundies really do believe that thing about money. Some of them, anyway.

        • PsyGremlin says:

          I think you misunderstood my “excluding Texas” lines – that was tongue in cheek. All the lists are simply the top 10 in their respective categories. Like I said in my opening, this is one of my rambles, but it is interesting that it’s the religious right states that appear to be the most fucked up.

          You’d think they’d have more important things to worry about than legislating on holding hands or teaching creationism in schools. And yes, I guess it is fine to sit back and do nothing, if you’re being sunsidised by the filthy liberals.

  2. Pi says:

    This is one of my favourite charts: is shows federal government expenditure per dolloar of federal tax revenue. Guess which states are being subsurdised by the big government libreal states?

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