Carry On Carreon!


I remember reading somewhere that the US of A has more lawyers than the rest of the world combined. And sadly there would appear to be very few Falconettis or Ironsides amongst them. Now, I must admit that I do know two US lawyers and they both seem very decent blokes. However, I only know them socially and haven’t seen them in court, so I don’t know for sure what they’re like. Still, the law of averages dictates that there must be some lawyers who help old ladies across the road, are nice to their mothers and who don’t steal candy from small, handicapped children.

Sadly, however, for each one of these, there would appear to be 10,000 mud-sucking, money-grabbing sleazeballs, intent on giving their profession a social standing somewhere between “cockroaches” and “dog poo on the new flokati rug.”

This is the kind of guy I’d want defending me in court. (Fair use for commentary or parody)

Such an individual is one Charles Carreon. (Another is Orly Taitz, but more about her another time.) Here’s a classic example of somebody so batshit insane we just couldn’t make it up… and if we did, you’d tell us to piss off.

Just to give you a bit of background on this… individual. It seems that he was the lawyer in the whole sex.com debacle and has also been suspended twice for playing fast and loose with clients’ trust fund money. In addition, he represents something called American Buddha, which just happens to be run by his wife, and which – ironically – is being sued for copyright infringement by Penguin Books. It also contains some really weird shit.

But now on to the real insanity.

Once upon a time there was (well, there still is) a web comic, called The Oatmeal. He pottered about, publishing his copyrighted cartoons and not bothering anybody. Until he came across a site called funnyjunk, that is. Now funnyjunk is one of those aggregator sites – they send out bots, who grab other people’s work and display it on their site – normally without any credit given. Sites like these rely on visitors to click on the adverts to make an income and of course, the original cartoonists don’t get a cent.

Needless to say, Matthew Inman (that’s the Oatmeal guy) was less than impressed by all this and asked funnyjunk to please remove the offending pictures. They removed some, but not all, whereupon Inman mused on his own site that maybe a DMCA  cease & desist order was called for. Funnyjunk saw this as a threat to close them down and soon a flame war erupted between fans of the two sites.

Fast forward one year and enter Carreon. Obviously one with a fine nose for a quick – albeit sleazy – buck he decided that… wait for it… The Oatmeal was in the wrong and should therefore pay funnyjunk (and, of course, Carreon) $20,000.

Needless to say, Inman took one look at this, went “WTF?!” and decided to turn the tables on this money-grabbing scumbag. He asked his fans for donation to make up the $20,000, which he’d then donate to charity – in particular the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society. This exceeded all expectations, and they managed to raise some $200,000. All for charity.

Enter Carreon again.

By now, he’d dropped funnyjunk’s case, based on “misinformation” but had his sights on a far bigger payday – and one that he wouldn’t have to share with a pesky client. In a move that would have made Shylock go, “Here, steady on!” Carreon sued Inman, the company used for the online fund-raising, as well as the two charities.

Let me repeat that – acting on his own behalf (attorney pro se) he’s suing a cancer and a wildlife charity. The meat of his “claim” appears to be:

Trademark infringement and incitement to cyber-vandalism. Defendants Inman and IndieGogo are commercial fundraisers that failed to file disclosures or annual reports. Inman launched a Bear Love campaign, which purports to raise money for defendant charitable organizations, but was really designed to revile plaintiff and his client, Funnyjunk.com, and to initiate a campaign of “trolling” and cybervandalism against them, which has caused people to hack Inman’s computer and falsely impersonate him. The campaign included obscenities, an obscene comics and a false accusation that FunnyJunk “stole a bunch of my comics and hosted them.”

The fact that a case like this has even gotten this far in the legal system, shows just how dysfunctional and broken the US system is. However, it gets better. Carreon has now amended his suit to include California’s State Attorney General Kamala Harris. One can only assume this is to get Harris interested in Carreon’s claims about fund raising fraud.

Not to be outdone, Carreon’s wife Tara has taken to the web, calling his critics “Nazi scumbags”, threatening to out commentators by getting a subpoena to see what’s on their hard drives, calling Inman an anarchist and saying that “fascists love anarchy.” Because we all know that Hitler loved him some anarchy.

I’m going to keep my eye on this case, if only because it’s proportions far exceed what it should have been – a footnote on an Encyclopaedia Dramatica entry. In any sane society, this would be thrown out of court, Carreon would be debarred and Harris would flay him publicly.

However, America is many things – sane is not one of them

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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10 Responses to Carry On Carreon!

  1. Steven says:

    I… wow. My brain can handle a lot of crazy bullshit. I get Glenn Beck’s newsletter to my e-mail account for Christ sake.

    But this? This actually hurts my mind when I try to comprehend the sheer depths of the lunacy involved.

    • PsyGremlin says:

      The saddest part is that it even got this far and this damn shyster was chased out of court when he submitted his case.

      Next thing you know, this idiot will win and some jury will award him millions.

      • Steven says:

        Frankly I gave up hope in the American legal system when Orly Taitz wasn’t told to leave the courthouse and never return the moment she first showed up with a blatantly forged birth certificate claiming Obama was born in Kenya, a truck full of insanity and paranoia, and the most ridiculous hair and make-up job I’ve seen outside of a cheap funeral home.

  2. Anonymous says:

    The poem he wrote about it is hilarious: http://www.american-buddha.com/poet.donttalkaboutmother.htm

  3. Pi says:

    Why is it when I see that picture I feel like I have some work to do tonight with GIMP?

  4. Robbert says:

    “[H]e decided that… wait for it… The Oatmeal was in the wrong and should therefore pay funnyjunk (and, of course, Carreon) $20,000.”

    I’m not entirely sure I understand this part of the story. On what authority did Carreon think it was for him to ‘decide’? Was he even funnyjunk’s official representative? I mean, I can go out today and ‘decide’ GM has to pay me a million dollars, but I’m not sure they’d even bother to acknowledge they’d heared me.

    It’s great that Inman raised so much money for charity but it seems to me that – unless I’m missing something here, which is entirely possible – in doing so he violated an important Internet rule – don’t feed the trolls. Surely he’d been better off ignoring Carreon, and if the latter insisted, sue him for blackmail?

    • PsyGremlin says:

      That’s what’s so weird about this – Oatmeal asked Funnyjunk to remove the copyrighted Oatmeal pics from their site and when they didn’t, mentioned on his blog that a DCMA might be in order.

      Funnyjunk took this as a threat and hired Carreon, who then demanded that the oatmeal pay funny junk $20,000 – I’m not sure for what exactly. However, given that he dropped funnyjunk based on “misrepresentation” means it sounds like they were making shit up.

  5. charlescarreonisajackass says:

    Have you seen the bit where the carreons are now literally crying “rape”? They are a special new sleaze. http://www.charles-carreon.com has several posts mocking it.

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