Warnings – You’re Doing It Wrong, God.


I suppose there are plenty of crazy people out there, but I’m using this example to prove a point.

On July 6th, 2012, a woman (who shall remain unnamed, but probably owns far too many cats and has already booked a super market trolley to keep all her worldly goods in) posted the following on her Facebook wall:

On Aug 5, 2012 a SMALL Tsunami will hit NYC and the surrounding areas. PLEASE PLEASE GO TO GOD ABOUT THIS PLEASE!!!!!

Because, as we all know, posting something IN CAPITAL LETTERS makes it true. It’s also an interesting phraseology she uses – “go to God” and here she says “gone to prayer”:

There is really a small Tsunami going to to hit NYC, I am not kidding – I have gone to prayer about this so much it’s insane and I’m not kidding when I said God Himself SPOKE to me Casey and confirmed this. It is going to get BAD very soon.

I’ll like to say that she’s just another fundie looney – and she probably is – but at least she appears to have some friends who are rooted in reality, judging by their “WTF?” reactions.

Now, there’s two things I want to say about event… or non-event, as it will be.

Firstly… what the hell is a “small tsunami?” As somebody pointed out on the “Fundies say the darndest things” page on Facebook, the tide coming in would count as a small tsunami. Does this mean that when NYC is still standing on August the 6th, our prophet can say, “Oh, there was totally a tsunami! Just not a big one!”

My second point I want to address to God directly. Now I know he’s omnipresent and omniscient (and one other om- that slips my mind at the moment) so I’m pretty sure I can count him as one of this humble blog’s readers.

Why is it that is God desperately wants people to worship him and he knows that something is going to happen to NYC, he doesn’t brandish “Get the hell out of New York City on Aug 5th!” in mile-high (or long?) letters across the sky? Instead, he pops a vision into some poor boob’s head and leaves them to run around going, “No! It’s a vision from God! YOU MUST BELIEVE!”

I can only assume that when NYC is flattened, it gives God an out, so he can turn to Jesus and say, “Well, I did warn them, but they wouldn’t believe.”

I’ve never quite understood why God thinks that scaring the shit out of people by destroying things is a better marketing ploy than doing some actual good.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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3 Responses to Warnings – You’re Doing It Wrong, God.

  1. Anonymous says:

    God may be all-powerful but he kind of sucks in the marketing department. He needs to make some P.R people die to get some kind of team together up there to handle this stuff. Plus, you’d think someone who has all the knowledge in the world would know that humans are sceptical creatures (after all, he supposedly made us) and the ramblings of one person will not instantly make people leap into action and start a mass evacuation.

  2. Anonymous says:

    The amusing thing is the way they phrase it. “pray please! pray to stop it”. so if it doesn’t come true, it confirms that enough people prayed. and if in the 1 to 10000000000x chance it does come true, then god did it.

    god wins either way, adn she is right either way.

  3. kip says:

    Omnipotent, if ya believe that sorta thing…

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