I have to confess that I’m watching the post-election right-wing meltdown with an immense amount of satisfaction. The GOP and the leech-like Tealiban suckling at its teat have a lot of soul searching to do. To a large degree, their “traditional values” anti-gay, anti-women platform was soundly rejected by the population and they realised that by appealing solely to white folk – rich white folk up north and inbred hillbillies down south – they could no longer win an election. In just about every demographic, except straight white men, Romney lost – women (especially single women), Hispanics, Blacks, Jews.

Of course, none of this is the fault of the GOP, its antiquated policies and plans to turn the US into a theocracy. Clearly they’re still in the denial stage of grief. If you have a look at the “experts,” then it’s mostly the fault of the voters themselves. Single women are to blame because – according to Faux News – they’re more interested in birth control and having abortions than the economy. Fox seems to think that “when you’re married, abortion is not really—or contraception for that matter—is not maybe a huge part of your life.” Even more laughably, the party that actively wanted to take over control of women’s bodies and reduced rape to a political football, accused Obama of “treating women like vaginas.”

Of course, the one would have to turn to the two loudest mouths when it comes to right-wing fucknuttery, to really plumb the depths of the gutter. Rush Limbaugh said that Republicans would have to “start our own abortion industry” in order to attract the female vote, whilst Glenn Back – confronted with the fact that Obama won more than 50% of the vote concluded that “half of Americans are utterly and completely lost in darkness.”

Pride of place, however, must go to Karl Rove, who magically took several hundred million dollars and turned it into comprehensive election defeats. Hot on the heels of his little tantrum when Fox News called the election in Obama’s favour, he came up with the following gem:

The president was also lucky. This time, the October surprise was not a dirty trick but an act of God. Hurricane Sandy interrupted Mr. Romney’s momentum and allowed Mr. Obama to look presidential and bipartisan.

That’s right – it was an act of God that helped Obama win. Which implies that even God was against the Republicans.

However, that long introduction was an interlude to get to the real fun – the absolutely rabid right-wing anti-Obama mob, pounding their fists on their desks in impotent rage at the prospect of another 4 years of having the Black Man in the White House. It’s bad enough that we have whiney-assed idiots in about 19 states so far, doing the spoiled brat “I lost so I’m taking my ball and going home” and actually setting up petitions for them to secede from the US. Of course, their chances of this happening are about as great as the chances of Jesus returning to Earth.

Not to mention that the wing-nuts living in these states – places like Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama- you know, the kind of places where somebody is considered educated if he can count to 20 without taking his shoes off and boating trips could have a dramatic impact on your sex life – are heavily dependent of Federal funding to get by… money raised from the wealthier states. So, I’d love to see just how quickly these redneck hangouts descend into third world dumps once that money is cut off. For that matter, who are they going to run to when the next batch of post-independence hurricanes blow in?

First up on the impotent rage bit, we have YouTube vlogger and all-round fuckwit Shelly Dankert, who launched into a profanity-ridden (and drink driven by the sounds of it) rant on election night. Strangely, it wasn’t so much directed ay Obama himself, but rather at her Facebook friends who didn’t share (or even ‘like’ in some cases) her video rants which she posted. It seems that it’s their fault that the Dems won. Well, that and the traitors who voted for the minor parties – things like the Libertarian Party and the Constitution Party; which are slightly more insane than the Monster Raving Looney Party and with about as much chance of winning the election. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it for all 24 minutes of jaw-dropping NSFW nsanity.

Ah, and if I had a dollar for every time one of these ignorant fuckwits used the word “communist,” “marxist” or “socialist” I’d probably be able to build an educational facility where I can teach these morons the meaning of these words.

Which brings me to one Erik Dondero. This is a guy who is so pissed that Obama won, that he’s a hair’s breadth from retreating into one of the bunkers WND is selling. He’s a former Ron Paul aide, who quit because he felt Paul was anti-Israel. Paul’s campaign, on the other hand, said:

Eric Dondero is a disgruntled former staffer who was fired for performance issues. He has zero credibility and should not be taken seriously.

Anyway, Dondero runs the “Libertarian Republican” blog – or he did, until he took his toys and went home. Just to give you an idea of what a small-dicked individual we’re dealing with here, here’s an excerpt from his rant:

When I’m at the Wal-mart or grocery story I typically pay with my debit card. On the pad it comes up, “EBT, Debit, Credit, Cash.” I make it a point to say loudly to the check-out clerk, “EBT, what is that for?” She inevitably says, “it’s government assistance.” I respond, “Oh, you mean welfare? Great. I work for a living. I’m paying for my food with my own hard-earned dollars. And other people get their food for free.” And I look around with disgust, making sure others in line have heard me.

So that’s the kind of prick we’re dealing with here.

Hey buddy, here’s a hint – the “others in line” probably think you’re an even bigger cunt than I do. I surprised you didn’t finish off by saying “I left the store to thunderous applause.” The ironic thing is that givem Wal-mart’s “screw the employees” attitude, there’s a damn good chance that the person behind the till is on food stamps.

Anyway, it seems that Dondero is so pissed that he’s imposing his own special apartheid on the world – anybody who he even thinks of being a Democrat, or who voted for Obama is dead to him – including friends and family. And he thinks you should do the same:

I strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted ‘O’. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who are Democrats.

Do you work for someone who voted for Obama? Quit your job. Co-workers who voted for Obama. Simply don’t talk to them in the workplace, unless your boss instructs you too for work-related only purposes. Have clients who voted Democrat? Call them up this morning and tell them to take their business elsewhere.

Have a neighbor who votes for Obama? You could take a crap on their lawn. Then again, probably not a good idea since it would be technically illegal to do this. But you could have your dog take care of business. Not your fault if he just happens to choose that particular spot.

And start your boycott of your Democrat friends and family today. Like this morning. First thing you can do, very easy, is to un-friend all Democrats from your Facebook account.

Yeah! So quit your job (I wonder if Dondero is going to supplement your income for you?), alienate your family, friends and workmates, show your neighbourhood your personal hygiene is somewhat lacking and don’t forget to sound off what a monumental prick you are every time you go shopping.

Don’t forget to boycott all products of a company whose President or CEO is a Democrat – so no more Google, Facebook, Yahoo, or Apple for you.

Oh yes, and this is the guy who when asked if he would save somebody whom he knew to be a Democrat from drowning, replied:

Scream: “Hey Joe, you sure you’re a Democrat? Just say the word, ‘Obama sucks,’ simple as that. Just mouth the words ‘Obama sucks’ and I’m in the water.”

Because maintaining your political bigotry is far more important than doing the Christian thing and saving somebody’s life.

I hope this yahoo does fuck off to his bunker in the woods…

… and gets eaten by a bear.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
This entry was posted in Conservatives, Eric Dondero, Presidential election 2012, Republican Party, Republicans, Shelly Dankert, Teabagger and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Meltdown!

  1. brx says:

    “since it would be technically illegal to do this.”
    Shitting on someone’s lawn is TECHNICALLY illegal?!
    Also, if Ron Paul’s campaign thinks you’re crazy…

    • PsyGremlin says:

      Well, you might be had up for public indecency, but I doubt there’s a law that relates specifically to shitting on somebody’s lawn.

      • TheEgyptian says:

        Oh, do keep up… Don’t you know Americans are now living under a totalitarian, Obamunist, despotiship? Now the good God-fearing Americans have been liquidated by voter fraud, big guh-buh-mint is taking over! Shit on a DEMONcrats lawn? Off to the FEMA concentration camp, sunny boy!

        Now, if only people had supported the GOP, we wouldn’t have big guh-buh-mint interfering in our bodily functions, right?

      • Ely says:

        Dear TheEgyptian: Invoking Poe’s Law, I shall assume you said that in all seriousness.

        Sweetheart, you do *not* know what’s to live under a totalitarian, despotic dictatorship. I grew up with stories of that, I saw the mess PTSD caused in some of my grand-uncles, I saw the pictures of people I’ll never meet. And my country’s was a relatively merciful regime. And when you say that shit about USA I want to just shut you up.

        Obama passes for a *slightly* left-of-centre in most european countries. Not my fault the US is so screwed up he seems like the most liberal leftie you could’ve dug up from Commieland.

        Perhaps you would be very interested in this link:

        That should clear up things some!

        And I agree with PsyGremlin, the GOP has points taken out of a Taliban booklet (anti-homo laws, women reproductive rights out of the Middle ages….). That Republican attitude wouldn’t fly over in my thirld world country.

        Obama is not ideal but campared with everyone elese he’s literally the best thing ever.

        • PsyGremlin says:

          Good post Ely, but don’t worry, The Egyptian’s tongue was firmly in his cheek.

          • TheEgyptian says:

            I’m a guy now? At least I won’t be put in one Mittens’ binders 😛

          • Ely says:

            Goddamnit. This is what happens when English isn’t your ifrst language.

            TheEgyptian, I’m sorry. It’s just that every time those people say this kind of things make me feel very strongly.

            I guess it’s kind of like Psygremlin’s beef with crazy?

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