Oh noes! The Gays Want Your Children!


In my meanderings through the bottom half of the internet I tend to come across quite a few individuals who are so batshit insane, that they shouldn’t have access to crayons, let alone a keyboard. However, I’ve found few who are as profoundly stupid as Conservapedia sysop and former swabbie, Brian Macdonald. What makes his special brand of idiocy entertaining, is that it’s fueled by a constant, seething hatred for everything he sees as liberal, brought about, no doubt, by the realisation that the only thing he’s ever achieved in his life, is to be a mall cop on a third-rate, backwater, right-wing hate site. This perpetual sea of anger, coupled with his dimness, results in a complete lack of rational debate, as all he can do is bluster behind dull thuggery – and hide behind his trusty “block user” button on Conservapedia.

I’ve managed to ignore his dribbling rantings for some time now, but seeing as he’s returned to the blogosphere with yet another homophobic rant, I thought I’d cast my jaundiced eye in his direction one more time.

You have to understand that in Macdonald’s world, all homosexual men have handlebar mustaches, leather hotpants, Nazi peak caps and want nothing more than to roger innocent men and boys. So, basically a Jack Chick wet dream then. Add to this a raging paranoia that the government is coming for his guns and bodily fluids any day now, and a staggering ignorance of the topics he rants about, and you have a recipe for facepalm-inducing stupidity.

Case in point – Macdonald starts off by mentioning the story about Kevin Clash, the Sesame Street puppeteer who’s been charged with diddling little boys. Needless to say – probably because Sesame Street airs on that evil, socialist PBS, and Mitt didn’t win, so he can’t fire Big Bird – Macdonald almost implies that PBS are at fault here:

Change the channel to your local PBS station every morning and catch that bastion of pre-school education, Sesame Street, where a big yellow bird struts near a group of kids learning the ABC’s from a little furry red monster called Elmo, who’s voiced by…an alleged sexual pervert.

He then goes on to blather about how the homosexual agenda is pushing to allow gay scouts and scout masters into the Boy Scouts of America. Not only is he horrified – HORRIFIED – that your children might have to share a tent with these (in his mind) deviants, but it seems as if the BSA have been doing a Catholic Church and covering up prior examples where scout masters have been indulging in a bit of “dip dip dip” with their charges. How, Macdonald asks, can you allow sexual deviants (clad in hot pants and  thigh-high boots,  remember) into the organization when this sort of thing is already going on?

For that matter, Macdonald doesn’t ask how can you let your children attend Mass, where they’re just as likely to be diddled. Neither does he mention, people like Eric Bodenwiser, the Republican anti-gay campaigner, who’s just been had up for having his way with little boys. He can ignore those, because they fall on the conservative end of the spectrum, and explaining them would tax his mental prowess too much.

But you see, here’s the thing that Karajou just can’t get through his bigoted little mind: The problem has nothing to do with homosexuality. Not a thing. It has everything to do with sexual predators and pedophiles.

And yes, the two are not the same. And that’s what Macdonald can’t understand. In projecting his own petty prejudices on a section of the population that are different to him, it’s easy to demonize them. However, most gay people would be as likely to sexually assault as child as Macdonald would be. (I hope that’s an analogy that hold up – experience seems to dictate that whoever in conservative circles is making the biggest noise against something, is quite likely doing exactly that on the side.) Likewise, there are plenty of straight, married men who equally happily have their way with boys and girls. Hell, years ago, the scout master in the small town where I grew up, killed himself after allegations arose about his wrongdoings – and we’re talking a guy who’s happily married, 3 kids, pillar of the community, etc.

Because what Macdonald can’t get into his head, is that for these people, it’s not about the sex. It’s about the power, the control over someone smaller and weaker than themselves (Which, given his massive inferiority complex and thuggish behaviour on Conservapedia, should be something he’d understand). And that is why people like this gravitate to the priesthood, to things like the scouts, or youth organisations – precisely because it provides easy access to their prey. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.

Where it gets even more surreal, is where Macdonald decides to role play a scene featuring Mrs Liberal. Needless to say, he fails utterly at trying to picture things from a different point of view.

In his little parable, he plays the neighbour (and for some reason I have Quagmire stuck in my head as I picture this) asking Mrs Liberal if she’s ok with them allowing gays in the Boy Scouts. When she says yes, he then asks if he can take her three young daughters camping with him. After all, he leers, “Just what could possibly go wrong?”

When Mrs Liberal (quite rightly too, given the well creepy way Macdonald phrased the situation) rejects the offer and “thinks of accusing her neighbor of being a sexual pervert,” he drops the hallelujah moment on her:

So you’re sitting there thinking about the possibility that your three daughters could be subjected to a sexual attack in the woods by a man you barely know, yet you have no problem with Boy Scouts being in the same situation with people who are sexually-attracted to them?”

Again, not even wrong. If that’s the logic he’s going to apply, then all co-ed trips must certainly be cancelled, because that could just turn into an orgy.

And they’re just as likely to be abused by a pillar of the community, who gets his kicks out of dominating small children.

But for people like Macdonald it’s easier to hate, and blame those who are different. Doing anything else would require them to use what passes for their minds.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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3 Responses to Oh noes! The Gays Want Your Children!

  1. Steven says:

    It’s a sad statement about humanity when someone expressing these kind of views can no longer get any more reaction from me than a dull shrug and a “well what did you expect?”

    Time was someone speaking like this would end with me in a day-long argument that devolved into screaming and angry insults on the part of both parties involved. But now? Now it just bores me. This insane, pathetic howling about things they don’t understand but feel they need to talk about at great length has become so commonplace that I’m actually bored of it. To get a genuine reaction from me now, homophobes really need to go the extra mile, and unfortunately for people like this (who I swear are only brazenly broadcasting their bullshit to get a reaction from people), the old “teh gay = pedo!” argument just isn’t cutting it any more.

    • Steven says:

      Thing is, I’m not even asking that they stop. I know they’ll never do that. I’m just asking that if they’re going to be bigots, they at least be interesting. I never thought hate-spewing lunatics could be boring but when they all use the exact same arguments it just ends up making me sleepy.

  2. AcolyteOfTruth says:

    This guy “Karajou” is one of the most desperate losers on the planet. A failure in life himself, he constantly tries to attract attention with his pathetic attempts to spread misinformation. Just shoot this damn fool.

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