The Dumbest Man Alive?

I’m going to start off by introducing you to a little conspiracy theory of my own: David Icke (and possibly Alex Jones) is an Illuminati plant, whose sole purpose is to utterly discredit the anti-NWO movement. When Gary Allen published his “None Dare Call It Conspiracy” back in 1972, wherein he showed that the same names kept cropping up in the Trilateral Commission, Bilderburg Group, CFR, etc, it was interesting. When Icke came along and said “Yes, and all these people are shape-changing lizards!” he immediately doomed anybody who would follow him to the scrapheap of wingnuttery.

I’m starting to believe that Ray Comfort could be serving the same purpose on behalf of the evil atheist overlords. That’s the only explanation I can provide to explain a man who does his brand immeasurable harm, every time he opens his mouth, or types on a keyboard. Having suffered through his abysmal new film – covered in the post below – and his earlier laughable “Banana fallacy,” I thought I’d have another look at some of his utterances. Luckily, Comfort has a Facebook page, which is so full of insanity, that I only conclude that Comfort is either a deep-cover parodist, or so monumentally stupid, you have to wonder how he keeps breathing without instructions.

Here’s a sampling of some of Comfort’s “wisdom:”

He who says “Don’t ram your message down my throat!” diagnoses his problem. He should close his mouth and open his ears.

 One the biggest giveaways that Comfort might, in fact, be a parodist is his apparent complete lack of any sense of irony. Either that or he’s simply too stupid to understand what irony is. Comfort, like most other religious folks, would be the first to jam his fingers in his ears and yell, “La-la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you!” whenever you try and engage with them with annoying things like facts, reality and science.

It’s the same thing we see with a certain brand of conservative – you’re only open-minded when you agree with what they are saying, wholeheartedly and without question.

READ Lev 14-15 (14:32) Leprosy is a type of sin, Jude 23. We can’t cleanse ourselves of its plague. Only the High Priest of our faith can.

 Typically, Comfort displays not only a complete ignorance of basic medicine, but also a malignant disregard for human suffering often seen in is kind. It’s the same kind of heartless insensitivity that tells a newly-orphaned child that God took their parents because He loved them more than the child did.

Writing off the suffering associated with leprosy (I’m amazed he didn’t use AIDS as an example) as being the fault of the “sinner” displays not only a callous outlook on life, but a way of thinking that should have died out in the Dark Ages. Clearly not, in Comfort’s case.

Christians believe that God made man from soil. How dumb is that? If you just said an atheist-amen to the dumb question, then I’d like you to do something the next time you go shopping in a supermarket. Look at every food item and ask yourself whether or not it traces itself back to soil: potato chips, milk, cheese, eggs, butter, pancakes, bananas, bread, cookies, grapes, apples, beef, chicken, lamb, pork, popcorn, chocolate, cereal, coffee, strawberries, etc. It takes a little bit of backward thinking, but if you take the time to give it some thought, everything traces itself back to the soil. Let’s do it with eggs. The eggs came from the chicken. The chicken ate the wheat to make the eggs, and the wheat traces itself back to the soil. When you were a toddler, your mother gave you milk that came from the cow that chewed the grass that came from the soil. Stated simplistically, milk is rearranged soil nutrients. So is cheese, butter, yoghurt and ice cream. The substance of our bodies is made up of the food we ate, and all the food we ate traces itself back to the soil (Mother Earth). We are rearranged dirt. Coincidentally, science tells us that the same trace elements that make up soil are the same elements that make up the human body–carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. When you die, your body will turn back into soil, and your soiled soul (if you are not trusting in Jesus) will return to the God you don’t believe in.

 There is so much wrong with this. Firstly, the Bible (the KJV anyway) says Adam was created from dust. I’m pretty sure any housewife worth her salt will tell you there’s a big difference between dust and soil – I, for one, don’t have soil bunnies breeding under my couch. The second problem is that the whole “created from dust” bit comes from the second creation myth, as laid out in Genesis 2. It’s funny how Christians – who claim to know the Bible – always mix up the two; adding the dust and rib creations of man and woman to the “traditional” creation chronology. Maybe it’s because the two creation myths bear no resemblance to each other and the fact that in the first creation myth, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Gen 1:27). By using the “woman created from Adam’s rib” they have a handy tool for holding women to be subservient to men.

Thirdly, Comfort himself shows some remarkable “backwards thinking” (to use his phrase) as he tries to justify his point. “The eggs came from the chicken. The chicken ate the wheat to make the eggs, and the wheat traces itself back to the soil.” Well yes, except for the small point – what about the seed the wheat sprang from? Overall, it’s just another prime example of Comfort’s diabolically poor reasoning technique. Not only that, he has such a miserable outlook on life. Yes, we are composed of “carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus,” but to call that “dirt” is to sell yourself way short.

Comfort might think he’s only made of dirt, but me? I’m from the heart of a supernova, I’m made of fucking stardust. Which would you rather be made of?

Addendum al a armondikov:

I think you missed a trick with Comfort’s “soil” argument. Plants don’t draw up any of their energy from the soil. It’s all photosynthesised from CO2 in the air. That’s the lion’s share of the mass and energy that makes its way up the food chain. So, if he wants to play that game, we actually trace ourselves to the atmosphere, not the soil. Even the nitrogen-based compounds that do come from the soil derive from atmospheric N2 that’s fixed by lightning strikes or bacteria.

Dreams can temporarily convince the dreamer that the insane is reality. Such is the way of atheism.

 Substitute the word ‘Christianity” for “atheism” here and his weird claim makes far more sense. It’s one of those weird non sequiturs that he likes to throw out, thinking they make him look sage and wise, whilst in reality he comes across as an ignorant fool. Remember this is somebody who thinks a giant Sky Daddy created everything in 7 days, that a 600-year-old man and a few family members built a giant wooden boat and fed tens of thousands of animals for a year and that somebody walked on water. But it’s the atheists who see the insane as reality. Right.

There will be no satisfaction in saying “I told you so” to the unsaved.

Maybe true… except for the fact that most fundamentalists I’ve come across are positively salivating at the thought of watching the unclean (which largely seems to consist of people they don’t like, not just sinners) burning in Hell, while they kick back with a harp on cloud 9.

Close examination of evolution proves it to be nothing but a mirage.

 Once again, not even wrong. Comfort has never done anything like a “close examination” of evolution, preferring instead to use bananas as a sign of intelligent design. In fact, I’d go as far as to say no creationist has done a close examination of evolution, always falling back on the same old tired arguments: if we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys; where’s the fossils? and the good old God of the gaps.

Once again, substituting “Christianity” for “evolution” makes that sentence far more believable – even more so if you replace “close” with “cursory.”

READ Lev 11-13 (12:3) God said to circumcise on the eighth day. Science has discovered this is when the body’s immune system is at its peak.

 Ah yes, circumcision. God created man perfect and holy, in his image, but that ugly piece of skin has got to go!! What kind of demented, blood-thirsty deity demands an act of mutilation to show you worship them?

Also, I’m going to come right out and call Comfort a liar here. Firstly, I haven’t been able to find ANY source that supports Comfort’s claim that the body’s immune system is at its peak 8 days after birth. The fact that he uses the vague appeal from authority and says that “science has discovered” screams bullshit to me. I have asked him to provide me with a citation backing up his claim, but I doubt that one will be forthcoming. Given the fact that children have to be taken for a range of vaccinations, from polio to various pneumococcal diseases at an early age, not to mention the various childhood maladies of measles, chickenpox, et al, makes me strongly doubt that this claim has any basis in reality.

The atheist who wins the argument in this life will lose it in next—and that’s the one that matters.

This is just weird. It’s a kind of playground mentality – you’ve just beaten me, so I’m going to run behind the fence and yell “Na-na-nana-na” at you. Not only is he admitting that atheists win arguments – something the whole of reality knows, but creationists deny like their livelihoods depend on it – but he seems to be claiming that they win arguments knowing that Sky Daddy is going to beat them up for it afterwards.

Also, bear in mind his “There will be no satisfaction in saying “I told you so” to the unsaved” comment above. It sounds to me that that’s exactly what he’s doing here. Then again, consistency isn’t something you can expect from these people.

The difference between the tooth fairy and Darwinian evolution is that kids are eventually told the truth about the tooth fairy.

 Once again, replace “Darwinian evolution” with “Christianity” and the sentence makes more sense. It’s just another throw-away, baseless comment Comfort likes to make and that his followers (yes, sadly, he has followers. But then again, so did Jim Jones) lap up. It’s nothing more than childish na-na-nana-na-ing.

There was a big fuss recently in Sweden about lasagna and burgers containing horse meat. Sweden is atheist heaven, and so there shouldn’t be any hard and fast table manners—other than “if it tastes good, eat it.” So why aren’t cats and horses on restaurant menus in most countries? It’s because Judeo/Christian nations base what is right and wrong to eat on the rules God gave to the Jews. But if atheism has its way, we can expect restaurants to expand their menus to include eagle-wings, double-double whale burgers, fresh cat casseroles, and tasty little kitten fingers. When any nation forsakes God, it defaults to mob rule (what society dictates) and that can go anywhere it wants.

 This hurt my brain, really it did. So much concentrated stupid in one paragraph. Not to mention the whole event went down in the UK and not Sweden. Apparently, being an atheist means you can eat anything – even eagles and kittens, because you don’t follow the restrictions set out in the Bible. Of course, Ray doesn’t explain how so many Christian countries have no problem eating things like pork and prawns. Even by his standards, it’s a bizarre comment – just because atheists don’t base their diet on a a couple of guidelines set out for people wandering in a desert with no refrigeration, does mean they have an “anything goes” attitude towards what they eat.

In fact, I’m willing to be that there are more atheist environmentalists and vegetarians than there are Christian, and they would naturally be far more selective over what goes on their plate. As opposed to the fundies who think they were put here to have dominion over everything else and that they can basically rape the planet before the Rapture happens.

It’s more childish name-calling from Comfort.

If Charles Darwin knew what we know about the complexity of the cell, he would have dropped his fantasy faster than a flea hops onto the back of a mangy dog.

Complete and utter bullsit! If Darwin had known about things like Mendel’s work in genetics and the workings of genes (which lurk in the nucleus), he would have been over the moon, as they basically provide the mechanism for his natural selection. Anybody who’s read The Selfish Gene would know this. Clearly Comfort hasn’t – probably because he knows he lacks the mental stature to challenge it.

A thought-provoking question to ask an atheist is whether or not he thinks that his brain was intelligently designed.

Nope, not a thought-provoking question at all. In fat the answer is a simple, “No.” That’s what happens when you don’t ask open-ended questions. Even if the brain was designed, there’s very little intelligent about it. Take the massive blind spot in our eyes, the whole left/right cross-over and the fact that the medulla oblongata, which just happens to control all your involuntary reflexes, like breathing and heartbeat, is located at the base of your skull, where even a reasonable hard punch can kill you.

Nothing intelligent about that.

It is foolish to think that atheists are intelligent, when the Bible says that they are foolish.

 More typical Bible-based circular logic so typical of Comfort and his ilk. And this from a man who thinks bananas prove intelligent design and that Kirk Cameron isn’t a simpering idiot.

Sinful man is a fist-shaking anemic flea under the foot of his elephantine Creator’s wrath.

 Once again, I have to ask whether or not Comfort isn’t a deep-cover parodist. I can understand the choir getting moist at this description of their “loving” god, but on what planet does he think that this would convince somebody that Comfort’s god is worth worshiping.

It’s just more proof that for people like Comfort, Christianity isn’t a religion based on faith, but rather it’s one based on fear. And ignorance. These are the same people, remember, who think that the only thing between them becoming an axe murderer, is the fact that Sky Daddy will disapprove.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
This entry was posted in Creationism, Ray Comfort, Religion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to The Dumbest Man Alive?

  1. Pingback: The Dumbest Man Alive? |

  2. Jeeves says:

    One thing to note, when Comfort says leprosy is a “type of” sin, he’s not using “type of” synonymous with “instance of” as in regular usage. Instead he’s referring to “typology”, the bullshit Christian theological practice of reading in to scripture things that were never meant. Jesus not even hinted at in the old testament? No problem! Just interpret Israel or Moses or whatever to be a “type of” Jesus and you’re golden. Of course, never apply these types consistently. Israel might be a type of Jesus, of the Church or of humanity in general depending on the context. Whatever you need. You know, whatever you need to avoid the horrible implications of the Bible of an all-powerful universe-spanning god actually talking about Israel or leprosy or any other of the intimate concerns of one particular set of desert-dwelling primitives.

    • PsyGremlin says:

      Thanks for the heads up on that, Jeeves! That was one subtlety of the fundie mindset I wasn’t aware of.

  3. artsey says:

    Let me see if I get this right. These people are ignorant, self delusional, vile and inclined to violence and war making. 90% of people on Earth are these people. No disagreement there. And their belief in a make believe sugar daddy in the sky prevents them from doing vile evil things. And you see a problem with this?

    • artsey says:

      If religeon is the opiate of the masses, considering their nature, I’m sure glad they’re taking some kind of opiate. Personally I’d like to see them up their dosage.

      • Consumer Unit 5012 says:

        Sadly, these days it seems like for a lot of people religion’s not an opiate, it’s Methamphetamine.

    • PsyGremlin says:

      The problem is is that they seem to think that it’s the belief in getting a spanking from the Sky Daddy that prevents them for doing bad things, and that if you don’t have this fear, then you will do bad things.

      As the saying goes: If you can’t tell the difference between right and wrong, then what you lack is empathy, not religion.

  4. Steven says:

    I love batting down the whole “do you think you were intelligently designed?” question with one of two answers:

    1) Of course not. Have you seen me? I’m a mess!
    2) No, I’m not and no human was. If we were designed intelligently by an all-knowing creator, then why are we so compartively crap as a species? All we have on other creatures is intelligence. Without that we’d be screwed since biologically any number of animals vastly outstrip us in various aspects.

  5. armondikov says:

    I think you missed a trick with Comfort’s “soil” argument. Plants don’t draw up any of their energy from the soil. It’s all photosynthesised from CO2 in the air. That’s the lion’s share of the mass and energy that makes its way up the food chain. So, if he wants to play that game, we actually trace ourselves to the atmosphere, not the soil. Even the nitrogen-based compounds that do come from the soil derive from atmospheric N2 that’s fixed by lightning strikes or bacteria.

  6. Matty Dee says:

    Why is Bananaman saying that atheists can eat anything they want when;

    a) the Bible doesn’t forbid the consumption of horse meat
    b) I’m pretty sure those who found out ate horse meat didn’t respond with “oh, horse meat huh? It’s actually tasty” but rather “UGH!!!! I’M GONNA PUKE!!!” And atheists, like myself (and I also happen to be a Brit), respond towards the latter end of that spectrum.

    I bet there is no cogent response from that turd. Jesus Christ, Ray.

  7. Matthew Chiglinsky says:

    It’s a bit of a stretch to compare the Tooth Fairy with Darwinian evolution. The Tooth Fairy is much more similar to Jesus:

    When I was young, I was taught by my mom to believe in the Tooth Fairy. I was also taught to believe in Jesus. When I got older, I realized they were both just silly fictional characters made up by my mom.

  8. Pingback: Dumbest man alive? | Spherical Bullshit

Comments are closed.