Travels through the Anti-Social Network


If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the years I’ve been following the rabid, religious right – no matter where, or who, they are – it’s that they don’t play well with other people, especially those who disagree with whatever batshit insanity they’re spouting. Then again, I can sort of sympathise with them. It can’t be easy having to live your life thinking that a magic man who’s watching your every move, and who will fuck you up if you don’t love him unconditionally, created everything 6,000 years ago, then destroyed everything because he’d made a mistake by sending a flood with enough spare water to leave craters on the Moon and ice on Mercury; then sent himself on a kamikaze mission in order to correct a design flaw he’d left in place right at the start; that even though they’re screwing you until you scream, big business has your best interests at heart and deserve the same rights as people; ditto a little clump of cells, growing in a uterus that you want to be more regulated than the mini arsenal you keep under your bed; to protect you from the atheist, Muslim Kenyan Marxist who’s planning a dictatorship wherein you’ll be carted off to a concentration camp… so yeah, I can understand why they all have a persecution complex a mile wide. And how reality has a liberal bias.

I also have a sneaky suspicion that they know they’re defending the indefensible – one only has to see the logical and linguistic back-flips the creationists undergo to justify whichever unproven and untested theory they’re pushing this week – because peer review has nothing to do with pointing out their pseudo-science and everything to do with a vast liberal conspiracy against them. Likewise, we saw the goalposts moving faster than a speeding bullet when it came to evidence discrediting the birther movement. So they retreat to their own little corners of the internet – and we end up with the conservative version of Wikipedia, where relativity is a liberal plot to stop people reading the Bible, a conservative version of YouTube, conservative news aggregators and now, to complete the right wing circle-jerk, a conservative version of Facebook.

It seems that the poor conservatives were tired of being persecuted on Facebook, by people pointing out that most of what they were writing was either wrong, a lie, racist or headdesk-inducing stupidity. What better way to counteract this than to take your toys, go home and preach to the converted. And terminally dumb. Thus the “Tea Party Community” was formed.

Now there’s one thing you have to understand – where conservatives gather, there isn’t much room for dissenting voices. It’s quite ironic that the people who bleat the loudest about how authoritarian Obama is, have absolutely no room and no time for people pointing out that what they’re saying is a load of shit. You either toe the party line, or you’re branded a “troll” and you’re outta there. It’s exactly the same kind of behavior we witness on Conservapedia, where a couple of jumped-up little mall cops run around, silencing any possible questioning of Dear Leader, Andrew Schlafly’s latest bit of dribbling insanity. Admittedly, the site has had its fair share of people – mostly from the Something Awful forums, it would appear – who really turned up invited and trashed the party. I don’t condone such behavior – it’s stupid and childish and serves no purpose, other than to fuel their already impressive persecution complexes.

Needless to say, the thought of so much Teabagger insanity collected in one place, combined with my masochistic streak, was the proverbial flame to my moth and I soon created an account there – all the better to see them with, my dear. Like a couple of posts, share some inflammatory (and defamatory) pictures, post a suitable pro Second Amendment-type picture, and I was in like Flynn… I’ve even managed to pick up a few dozen red-blooded redneck friends… although I fear my profile pic might have more to do with that…

tea party main pageNow, the first thing I noticed is that TPC seems to be running on a direct copy of Facebook, albeit a slightly different interface. I doubt this is a coincidence, nor am I convinced that Mark Z would have let them borrow some software to set up what is, in essence, competition. Will we see a court case in the future? Who knows – but I can just imagine the wailing and gnashing of teeth should they be persecuted for copyright infringement. I’m guessing First Amendment rights would be mentioned…

Secondly, they want your money.  There seems to be very little advertising on the site – atTea Party Community - Tea Party Hub_20130228_224248 present only a 50% off offer on a home schooling course, a link to the Tea Party Tribune and a book called “Dispatches from a Bitter America,” which is described as “A gun toting, chicken eating son of a Baptist’s culture war stories” and is apparently endorsed by Sarah Palin, Michelle Malkin, Sean Hannity and Mike Huckabee. Sounds like gripping stuff. Clearly, running an anti-social network is expensive stuff, because they was their loyal fellow patriots to donate $30,000. To be honest, I don’t know if this is a once-off, or monthly, but the cut-off is in just under 5 days (at the time of writing) and they’ve only managed to collect $8,300. Which is funny, given that this is some sort of Ayn Randian utopia, where people would happily pay towards the upkeep of the community, rather than pay taxes. Guess it’s reality, with its liberal bias sticking its head in again. Maybe they should approach the Koch brothers for some money, given the hard on those boys have for the Tea Party… or rather for the way the Tea Party is letting them run roughshod over workers’ rights.

So… what about the content? Well, put it this way – if they wanted to create a redirect URL, they could use stupid_white_people_bitching.com. It’s the usual ranting about how Obama is planning martial law; how he’s coming for their guns; how they love the Constitution; how evil liberals are, etc, etc, just in super concentrated format, and with lashing of mutual masturbatory comments. There’s also a few classy personal touches that they can slip in, now that they’re amongst their own kind, like Photoshopping Michelle Obama’s dress onto a gorilla, as well as subscribing to every wingnut conspiracy going, from Benghazi, to the Feds stockpiling bullets – something the unofficial Queen of the TPC, Sarah Palin, is still harping on about. But then facts and reality have a liberal bias.

Stay classy, Teabagger scum.

Stay classy, Teabagger scum.

One of my favourite posts, is a poll, asking who they think the next President and VP will be. The choices are:

  • Barry Soetoro/Joe Biden
  • Rand Paul/Allen West
  • Hillary Clinton/?
  • Marco Rubio/Paul Ryan
  • Other

 Of course, you can hardly expect Obama to be called by his real name – Obummer, Hussain (“That is how we should call him, by his Islamist name”) and Soetoro seem to prevail. The first point is clearly another indication of their belief in a looming dictatorship. Rand Paul is currently out of favour too, because he dared to endorse Obama’s nomination of Chuck Hagel. I’m sure more will be thrown under the bus after yesterday’s passing of the Violence Against Women Act. Remember, with these people, you toe the party line, or rather what they perceive the party line to be, or you’re outta there. The fact that that little pustule of hate, Allen West, is so popular speaks volumes of the mindset.  Still, hopefully we’ve heard the last of that little ball of spite after his last election loss. Of course, the biggest irony – and the biggest indicator of how dumb these people are – is the suggestion of Marco Rubio. It would appear that after all the bleating about Obama being born in Kenya, and then not being a natural born citizen, these yahoos aren’t even aware that if they apply the same definition of “natural born citizen” to Rubio as they are to Obama (including citing some Frenchman who never set foot in the US), then Rubio doesn’t qualify to be President. Or maybe it doesn’t matter, because he’s not black? Needless to say, Palin is still a favourite in the comments, despite the fact that she’s probably one of the single biggest reasons McCain didn’t win the White House in the first place. Still, the more I see these people pushing for another clown car of candidates come election time, the more I feel pretty secure in the Dems holding onto the White House after 2016. After all, those who don’t learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.

Another question asked what the Tea Party should do, should they enter Congress as a third party. The options were:

  • Impeach Obama
  • Try Obama with treason

But, of course, you’d be a filthy, baby-eating liberal to suggest that they are really, really fixated on the Black Man in the White House… and have no idea how politics really works. Then again, neither do the Tea Party politicians. Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader dedicated the two years after the 2010 mid-term elections to “ensuring President Obama doesn’t get re-elected.” Somebody needs to sit this yahoo down and explain “govern” – and most other 6-letter words – to him.

Will the TPC last? I dunno. Probably. It’s an outlet for crazy rednecks to bitch and moan and as we’ve seen with Conservapedia, once that tap opens, nothing closes it. I’d say the biggest obstacles are the running costs – I can’t see anybody happily swallowing a $20,000 loss every month, or quarter, or whatever it turns out to be.

Personally, I hope it does last. I’ve seen how small echo chambers, like Conservapedia, or Conservative News and Views, serve to ramp up the crazy, as each increasingly batshit insane idea is met with open arms by the sycophantic members of the group… or they at least have the good graces to look the other way and snigger into their sleeves. An anti-social network, doubling as an echo chamber filled with several thousand paranoid, ignorant dumbasses promises to provide hours of mirth. Provided I’m not hospitalized by desk-induced concussion first…

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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3 Responses to Travels through the Anti-Social Network

  1. Pi says:

    Marco Rubio can be president, he was born in Miami.

    The wingnut hatred of Michelle Obama is the most puzzling. She is a pleasant and attractive woman, yet ugly is the word that gets bandied around by them the most. What did she do to piss them off other than be married to Barack? Oh, I see.

    • PsyGremlin says:

      Hmmm… how did I manage to bugger that one up? Maybe I meant to say that inn terms of how they’re defining a natural born citizen as it applies to Obama, he doesn’t qualify? That’ll teach me to scribble blogs in the wee hours of the morning! Let me make some changes.

  2. armondikov says:

    I read the first paragraph thinking “don’t exaggerate, the rhetoric is just… okay, fine, that’s a fair assessment of what they actually believe.”

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