2015 – what the frauds see in their crystal balls

No, I’m not making any more promises about cranking this blog back into life. If it happens, it happens… although the Republican Party likely to wheel out another clown car of idiots ahead of the 2016 elections, I’m sure there will be slightly more material to blog about.

In the meantime, I thought I’d draw up a short list of some of the predictions being made by various frauds, who call themselves psychics, for 2015. I might make a few comments alongside them, but mainly it’s going to serve as something I can come back to at the end of the year and see just how far from the mark these hucksters were. I’ve chosen three for no more scientific reason than they’re the ones Google threw at me, when I typed in “psychic predictions for 2015.” I’m posting the predictions as they appeared, with any of my own comments appended thus.

First up is Sidney Friedman, the so-called “mentalist to the stars” (which given some of the drivel I’ve heard so-called stars spout lately, shouldn’t really be something to brag about). Sidney also claims to have a “72% accuracy rate,” so at least now I have a standard to hold him against. So… what does our Sidney see for 2015?

1) THE ECONOMY: Back in December of 2008, just after the crash, I made several bold but eventually accurate predictions about the economy. One of them was that the timetable would be 7 to 8 years for the economy to recover where a range of factors showed strength. Bingo! It may seem obvious in retrospect, but at the time, no one else gave it an accurate timetable. And I have since accurately predicted the trend of the DOW in all but one of the years, plus accurately predicted the unemployment rate for each of the subsequent years. For this year, the U.S. economy will have a temporary downturn/slowdown in early Spring, and among some roller-coaster-ing, it climbs through the end of the year, and by Fall generally will be booming in many sectors. The unemployment rate drops even more, to around 5.1%, and we’ll begin to see a noticeable rise in wages and salaries. The Dow Jones will finish 750 points or more higher than where it began, in spite of two noticeable drops during the year. Interest rates will go up just a little, an eighth of a point here and a quarter point there. Commodities will continue to take a hit, but will rise in the second half of the year. But, the year to watch is 2016, where a shake and crash of several markets occurs preceded by a surge of inflation. Always though, before making investments, consult an investment professional and/or use your own knowledge and intuition combined. (I love guys who say things like “accurately predicted the trend of the DOW in all but one of the years” and yet somehow aren’t richer than Warren Buffet. Also, the US jobs market has been improving steadily over the past few years, and wages are starting to go up. So no surprises there. And we’re having a bull market at the moment – so if the bears rampage in 2016, again, no big surprise. This isn’t a prediction, it’s noticing a fairly obvious trend. But let’s remember 5.1% unemployment at the DOW at about 18,573 for future reference.)

2) ACADEMY AWARDS: At this year’s OSCARS, among significant competition, I predict Julianne Moore will win Best Actress for a movie called “Still Alive.” And for Best Supporting Actress, though the competition will be fierce with Emma Stone, Jessica Chastain and Laura Dern all potential winners, I see Patricia Arquette winning for “Boyhood” (with an outside chance of Meryl Streep for “Into The Woods”). “The LEGO Movie” wins for Best Animated Feature among major contenders “Big Hero 6” and “How to Train Your Dragon 2.” More Academy Award predictions to come. Of note, I have not seen any of the movies, nor do I ever watch them until many months after the OSCAR broadcast. We may also see “Selma” take the Best Picture award. (I don’t really care about the Oscars, but generally, the hype surrounding a movie is a pretty good indication of where it stands in terms of awards, long before nominations are announced. That said, if HTTYD2 doesn’t win best animated picture, I’ll be grumpy.) Update: “LEGO Movie” wasn’t even nominated, and now that I’ve seen the list, I really want “The Tale of Princess Kaguya” to win. Because Ghibli.)

3) Though a Polar Vortex was the news of last year, in 2015 I see a Molar Vortex. A story related to teeth will be in the news this year, potentially in the New York City area. Plus, I see a Solar Vortex (so to speak) this coming summer for Chicago and states east of here, with a near-record or record spell of heat. (WTF is a “molar vortex?” Seriously, “a story related to teeth” will be in the news. Does that include somebody losing a tooth in a fight?)

4) A lot of speculation surrounds the marriage of Jay-Z and Beyonce. Contrary to some rumors, the first couple of hip-hop will groove to the same beat and stay together in 2015, and in fact, they will announce a 2nd child, via either pregnancy or adoption. (I honestly couldn’t care, but we’ll see)

5) Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth will be the “hot-not” Hollywood couple of 2015 with a revelation they are “friends with benefits.” (Given that the rumourmill has been linking these two since November, hardly a massive prediction)

6) Taylor Swift will eat at Shake Shack in NYC but still won’t gain a pound. (He’s taking the piss now, right?)

7) Big clunky-looking “bucket” handbags with chain straps will be the “in” thing for women and for pickpockets.

8) The fez returns. (Somebody’s been watching too much Doctor Who. Then again, when I do a Google image search on fashion 2015 fez, guess what turns up  from somebody’s fall/winter collection. So not a prediction. Ditto probably applies to the handbags above.)

9) By mid-year, the troubled Amanda Bynes will be back on the straight and narrow with her head and life back to some semblance of normalcy, plus a new movie role will come her way. (Bad kid comes out of rehab, there’s a shocker!)

10) An incident with a rock will affect George and Amal Clooney. (Way too vague to comment on)

11) Infrastructure breakdowns will be a predicament in several cities this year, with a significant infrastructure circumstance in part of New York City affecting the city economically. (No! A big city suffers a power outage. Say it isn’t so!)

12) An island disappears. (Wonderfully vague. What kind of island? Are we talking New Zealand? Or some little outcrop off Iceland?)

13) A bird species thought extinct, reappears. (It happened in 2014, so why not 2015. But we’ll see. Please be a Dodo, please be a Dodo! I want one and I shall call it Pickwick.)

14) A hipster trips on his own beard. (Facepalm. But I would pay good money to see that.)

15) A tree grows in Brooklyn, … and in Queens. Something related to trees in the boroughs of New York makes news. (Do people really take this yahoo seriously?)

16) Time stops. A scientific discovery is made regarding time and light. (Given scientific process, the latter is a possibility. The former, not so much.)

17) A dog breaks a world record. (Again – wonderfully vague. A dog world record, a human world record, what?)

18) Tango surges in popularity. (How exactly would this be measured? Tango movies? Number of new tango clubs?)

19) Books, yes, printed books, show a surprising increase in sales. (I’d like this to be true, but it would seriously buck current trends)

20) A seiche of some magnitude occurs in one of the great lakes during the summer or early fall, most likely Lake Michigan. (If you didn’t know, a seiche is a standing wave in an enclosed or partially enclosed body of water and yeah, the Great Lakes are fairly well known for them. So, no surprise if one happens.)

21) We’ll feel the earth move under our feet. Back in 2011, I predicted a tremor on the east coast which came to fruition with a 5.8 quake. Well, déjà vu, and a “trifecta.” With hopes this isn’t serious or destructive, another east coast tremor occurs this year in 2015, plus a significant southern California quake, as well as a rumbling in the Midwest. (No!! An earthquake along a fault line? Say it isn’t so. Not a prediction.)

22) Last year I predicted a “shock wave,” figuratively, for Russia which unfortunately for its people occurred with their currency crises and the recent fall of the Ruble. For that part of the world in the coming year, I sense and fear Ukraine experiences a severe economic collapse. (Given the civil war there, hardly surprising)

23) In the amazingly good news department, a breakthrough is announced in the cure for Parkinson’s disease. Additionally, a discovery is announced in the cure for Alzheimer’s disease. (Would be great, but unlikely.)

24) I foresee, or actually “fore-smell,” something about an odor at city hall in either Los Angeles, New York or Chicago. Yes, you can insert a joke here about odors and politics, but for real, something to do with a foul smell at one of these city halls is a story in 2015. (Again, he’s trolling right? He predicts a clogged toilet at a city hall.)

Next we have , who claims he sent his list of predicions from 2015 to his editor on 11th September 2014. So, what does 2015 have in store for us?

  • Prince Harry will get engaged. (Unless him and Corrolla or whatever her name is are a thing again, unlikely.)

  • Major volcanic eruptions in Japan and Hawaii (Volcanoes in the Ring of Fire?! No!)

  • National Health and Police strikes with riots in London. (Riots in London aren’t that unusual, nor are strikes)

  • Joan Collins dies (Well, she is 81, so not impossible.)

  • Royal family death (Again – Philip is 93 and Her Mag isn’t far behind, so it doesn’t take a great leap of imagination to foresee that happening.)

  • Zara Phillips – princess Anne’s daughter will fall pregnant (Newly(ish) wed falls pregnant – now there’s a shocker.)

  • Strange fluctuations in the Earth’s Magnetic Field Detected (Too vague to comment on now)

  • A Nuclear submarine will get into serious problems. It could be Russian though there is also Chinese involvement – perhaps an incident over the disputed Japanese islands in the China Sea? I feel that 2015 will be a year with a lot of Maritime problems and there could be a very serious disaster – akin to the sinking of the Titanic. (I again base this on a number of my prophetic dreams: a topic I am very interested in and have recently written a book about.)

  • 2015 will see the closer ties between Russia and China. There will be an economic and military pact. In the years to come this will become a powerful alliance that will challenge America.

  • Economically, India will rise faster than China in the coming years. (How many years? This is open ended? China is already experiencing a bit of a slow-down, so not impossible.)

  • Josefina Vázquez Mota will become the first female president of Mexico. (Probably unlikely)

  • There will be a bad earthquake during 2015 in Mexico City. (One hopes not, but given its location, not beyond the realms of possibility)

  • Mexico’s economy will see an improvement as more cartels and gang leaders are brought to justice in 2015. A deal is done with America over immigration with American companies offering economic opportunities to temporary workers on short term visas. (Not sure how the economy will improve if they’ve been devastated by an earthquake, but anyway. And yeah, with the GOP contoling the Senate, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of the latter happening.)

  • Many countries may see terrorist attacks from loan gunmen. I ‘see’ Berlin, Rome and Paris as a targets but a simultaneous London attack with be thwarted. I feel one of the most frightening will be aboard a passenger liner. (Posted just before the Terrorist Attack in Sydney Australia) (I assume they mean lone gunmen.)

  • There will be a celebrity kidnapping and an attack on a member of the Saudi Arabian Royal Family

  • Both FaceBook and the BBC will develop search engine algorithms for the Internet (and not just for their own websites) in an attempt to rival Google. Amazon will also make ventures into web search. (Why would the BBC waste money on search engine when they could spend it of producing quality TV prog… oh… wait…)

  • The Conservatives will win the UK election by a whisker as they will agree to bring forward the European Election Vote and so disrupt UKIP’s momentum. Cameron will be ousted just after the election despite his electoral success.

  • During 2015 Jeb Bush will gain popularity and will win the American Election in 2016. Serious family difficulties and illnesses for the Bush family during 2015. (Well Bush Sr is 90, and confined to a wheelchair, so no surprise there.  Jeb for Prez? That’s a very long shot.)

  • The Russian Economy will collapse but be bailed out by China. The two countries will become a very close allies both militarily and economically. (China has enough problems of their own at the moment, and unless something drastic happens I can’t see relations between the two countries improving anytime soon.)

Yeah, ok, that’s enough for now. My bullshit-o-meter is full. Let’s check back in 12 months’ time to see how these two charlatans have done.

About PsyGremlin

PsyGremlin is a former Conservapedia sysop (although the position was earned nefariously), stand up comedian, DJ, and is currently a self-employed financial adviser, who impersonates a responsible adult at least 5 days a week. However, highlighting and poking fun at the crazies out there remains his first love. Well besides pork crackling. And custard. And cricket.
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5 Responses to 2015 – what the frauds see in their crystal balls

  1. Boot says:

    the neurodegen stuff – far to vague to be useful. If he wants to nip down to our lab and tell us which projects are going to be successful, that would make a hell of a difference!

    And what is a breakthrough and what is a discovery? We make breakthroughs and discoveries every bloody day – that’s what science is for!


    • PsyGremlin says:

      Unfortunately, these people operate just like astrologers – just be vague enough so they can grasp on to anything even remotely linked to their prediction and claim they were right. So “researchers see impact on Alzheimer’s in mice” will be claimed as mush a victory as “Pfizer releases Alzheimer’s vaccine to public.”

      And thanks for the welcome – hopefully the place won’t grow as much dust this year.

  2. Boot says:

    ps – welcome back!

  3. Mick McT says:

    A dodo called Pickwick? That’s being silly…you should call him Alan.

Comments are closed.